Sunday, November 8, 2009

HOW I BECAME A GIRL....

THIS IS MY INS ASSIGNMENT ..REALLY REALLY AWESOME ASSIGNMENNT , I LOVED WRITING IT -

HOW I BECAME A GIRL

IT IS A PART OF YOU - IT GROWS FROM YOU . GENDER IS ACQUIRED AND NOT INBORN --
SINCE THE EARLIEST DAYS OF CHILDHOOD - I REMEMBER , DOWN FROM THE FRILLY FROCKS TO THE CUTE HAIRPINS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME HAD TO ADHERE TO GIRLY NORMS - UNCONSCIOUSLY , MY MOTHER WOULD DRESS ME IN A MANNER THAT PROCLAIMED MY SEX . WHEN MY MOTHER WOULD BE REALLY UPSET SHE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE - YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE PLIGHT OF A MOTHER OF DAUGHTERS - SHE HAS BEEN HOARDING UP LITTLE TRINKETS , JWELLERY AND GOLD COINS WHEN WE WERE LITTLE KIDS FOR THE TIME WHEN WE WOULD GET MARRIED . YOUR MOTHER IS THE MOST INSTRUMENTAL FACTOR IN DETERMINING YOUR FEMINITY - SHE IS YOUR FIRST IDOL , SHE IS YOUR FIRST TEACHER .

I HAVE AN ELDER SISTER , SIX YEARS MY SENIOR.THERE WERE TWO FEMALE PROTOTYPES AT HOME AND ONE MALE . MY FATHER WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE EXTRA BUSY , A LITTLE MORE CAUGHT UP THAN I WOULD HAVE LIKED HIM TO BE . BEING THE YOUNGER KID I ALWAYS HAD A KNOWN PATH TO TREAD - EVERYTHING I HAD DO WAS COMPARED WITH MY ELDER SIBLING .
BEING A HINDU GIRL - I GREW UP WATCHING MU AUNTS AND MY MOTHER KEEPING NUMEROUS FASTS - FOR THE PROSPERITY OF THE HOUSEHOLD , FOR THE HEALTH OF THE CHILDREN OR FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR FATHERS . YOU MAY CHOSE TO NOT DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS WHEN YOU TURN OLDER , BUT THEY DO NOT STOP EXISTING . WE HAD OUR FESTIVALS , WHERE GIRLS WOULD THRONG THE ELDERS AND GET GIFTS . WOMEN WERE ALIENATED WHEN THEY WERE MENSUARATING . I CRIED MY EYES OUT WHEN I REALISED I WOULD MISS THE DIWALI PUJA BECAUSE I WAS MENSURATING . RELIGION AND CULTURE HAVE ASSIGNED DIFFERENT ROLES TO MEN AND WOMEN . THEY LEAVE A GENDERED IMPRINT ON EVERY INDIVIDUAL.
STORIES ALSO INFLENCED THE WAY I THOUGHT OF MY GENDER . WOMEN WERE THE PRETTY FRAIL PRINECESSED , TO BE SAVED BY A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR , TO BE RAVASHED BY A VILLAIN . LITTLE WOMEN - WAS THE FIRST BOOK I REMEMBER READING WHICH CENTERED AROUND WOMEN I WOULD LIKE TO BE . JOSEPHINE MARCH CONTINUES TO BE MY IDOL TILL DATE . HOW WOMEN SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL , LOVING , GREAT AND NOT GREEDY - AS MY ENGLISH TEACHER USED TO REMIND US .
WITH AGE AND PUBERTY , YOUR FRIENDS CHANGE TOO . THEY START FORMING CLUSTERS - THE GIRLY ONES OR THE TOMBOYS . THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY YOU WILL BRANDED ON THE WAY YOU BEHAVE .

MEDIA WAS ANOTHER IMPORTANT FACTOR IN DETERMINING THE JOURNEY TOWARDS GIRLHOOD. THE NUMBER OF GIRLS RAPED , MOLESTED , BURNT ALIVE ON PRETEXT OF DOWRY ALL MADE ME REALISE HOW VULNERABLE WAS THE CLAN THAT I BELONGED TO . IT CONDITIONED MY BEHAVIOR INTO ONE SUITABLE FOR SO FRAGILE A SPECIES AS TO WHICH I BELONGED TO.
THE MOVIES I WATCHED , THE MUSIC I LIKED BARRED ME FROM MY BROTHERS' CIRCLE - I WAS TOO PINK , TOO GIRLY TO BE WITH THEM . THEY LIKED WWF AND I LIKED POWERPUFF GIRLS . I MUST SAY THEY MADE ME REALISE MOST RUTHLESSLY THAT I WAS A GIRL .
YOU HORMONES ALSO MAKE YOU A GIRL - WITH PUBERTY YOU START NOTICING THE DIFFERENCES IN THE WAY YOU LOOK FROM THE OTHER GENDER . YOU NOTICE THEIR BROADER SHOULDERS , THEIR BIGGER WRISTS AND THEIR TALLER FRAMES . EVERYTIME I SAW A PARTICULARLY GOOD SPECIMEN AT THAT , I KNEW WAS A GIRL.
I WORSHIPPED SCARLET O HARA , FANTASICED ABOUT RHETT BUTLER , WROTE DIARIES AND STARTED LIKING MAKE UP . EVERYTIME I SAW A MAYBELLINE ADVERTISEMENT , MY FINGERS ITCHED TO USE IT - EVERYTIME A NEW PRINCESS DIARY WAS LAUNCHED I LONGED TO READ IT , EVERY NEW SPICE GIRL MOVE , I PRACTICED IT FOR HOURS . EVERYTIME I REALIZED I COULD NOT TRAVEL ALONE AT NIGHT , I REALISED I WAS A GIRL , EVERY TIME MY PARENTS SAID "NO" FOR PARTIES , I REALISED I WAS A GIRL , WHEN BACKSTREET BOYS HIT THE STAGE , I SWOONED IN GIRLHOOD GLORY. THATS HOW I BECAME A GIRL - THROUGH CONCERTED EFFORTS OF FAMILY , FRIENDS , MEDIA , LITERATURE -AND HORMONES I REALISED I WAS A GIRL .
AT PRESENT I CAN SAY IM PROUD TO BE A GIRL - I AM FEMINIST , FIGHT FOR EQUALITY AND AM SPECIALLY PROUD WHEN I TRAVEL ALONE IN A BUS . I AM PART OF MY COLLEGE STREET PLAY AND I FEEL THE RUSH EVERYTIME WE DEFEAD A TEAM WITH BOYS . I HABITUALLY REFUSE TO BE HELPED BY MEN AND MAINTAIN MY RIGID STNACE OF INDEPENDENCE - I AM STILL LEARNING HOW TO BE A WOMAN IN THE TRUE SENSE OF THE WORD . YES IT IS A MAN'S WORLD - BUT IM PROUD TO BE A WOMAN IN IT . AND I MUST SAY , IT HAS BEEN QUITE A JOURNEY.

Monday, August 31, 2009

TO THINGS IN LIFE THAT DON'T CHANGE ....

There is a very stupid thing that people say -- everything SHOULD change with time ---

don't take me wrong - im not against those small changes which make u a better person - those big changes which induce positivity into ur fucked up life - those changes which make u luk good (:d)- those changes which undo the hurt u gave urself or others - harmless , do gooder changes , all giddy , fluffy and curled to perfection .

but there is something so peaceful about finding things the way you left them - it affords them a easy feel of prior perusal . you find them in places you had forgotten about - as long as , in not changing , they neither lose their meaning , nor their charm - NOT CHAINGING is good.

as it is evident , i no longer have a life i can look forward to - that is - im still stuck at home . i look at things which never change too much for me , and in my snug , hair not combed for days , late bath , avtaar -- i think of all those things that didn't change , that still sting where they did before --- that are snug . cutting the description , heres a list of ten things which still provide the same "old pyjamas" comfort -

1.) MUMMY KA KHANA : no matter how many days you take off , how many different cuisines you try , i thank god , my mother's magic touch is still obstinately there. her khana remains mouth wateringly yummy -- dissolving all thought i might have given earlier to losing weight. thank you mumma , aap best hon !!!!

2.) MY NET IDENTITY : i still love my pseudo identity - "PHOTOGENIC DEVIL" , it brings back memories , and reminds me of what i was . the fact that i stick with it still, proves - somewhere that part is still there - good or bad , it feels good that my 16 year old self is still there . comforting. and yes , i still say , it sounds real kewl !!!

3.) DIARY OF JANE : some songs you love till the day you die . thank god , this song never lost its charm . siddhant whenever you go for their concert -- shout from my side too.

4.) ISHA SINGH : i feel so good every time i talk to you woman -- something as good as you in this world , makes me feel - STRONGER . you take me back to the window sill, outside jagriti building where we used to sit , dangling our legs & eating good food . you remind me of those hours spent in the library , scrouging more and more L M ALCOTT books . the days we spent writing poems , and how we grew up to be so handy to the school clubs. thanks isha -- you remind me of myself , when i had more talent and was appreciated for it. you take me back to days which were if nothing else , then CALMER .

5.) MY BIBA KURTIS (the mustard and black one) : no matter how my size may vary - you always fit , and luk stunning. you pulled me out of a lot of wardrobe emergencies .muah !!

6.) ARUSHI AND HER STANDARD RESPONSES : they make me understand her so much more . thank god , even the crisis in aru's life are repetitive -- embarassment at the hands of a guy , breaking up with a guy , stalking by a guy , bitching about a girl who is a bigger wannabe , and yes how much her life sucks . her typos like - GAWD ,BIATCH - thnx for being the same comforting person through the years , the girl who told us four year elder boy (from mart) gossip , the girl who told the sexiest stories , the girl who always got stuck in shit ...... thnx for being who you are babe .

7.) MAAM SETH : it is good to know some one could believe in me to that extent .

8.) MAGGI : stagnant maggi prices since i can remember -- standard masala tastemaker - yummy stuff - NEVER EVER CHANGE !!!

9.) SIDDHANT SHARMA : uv not been in my life as long as the other stuff has been , but thnx for not changing and being the nice guy you are .thnx for always being the jerk u sumtimes are , thnx for always being positive , thnx for the gross errors u make , thnx for the weirdo u are !!!

10.) THE MOLE ON MY LEFT FOOT : you remind me, i have places to go , i have things to see ,& that i will end up on top , though life may swing me to and fro .....


THESE THINGS/PEOPLE/ THEIR PARTICULAR CHARACTERISTICS make my day --- nazar na lage inhe ---there ira , this stuff makes me go "COMFORTABLY NUMB"

Sunday, August 30, 2009

TEN EMBARASSING THINGS THAT MAKE ME NOT SO GIRLY……

1.) Till the age of 16, I didn’t know how to hold a kajal pencil. Today thankfully the situation is well taken care of.

2.) I am really lazy in going to the parlour – and I don’t think a manicure cures all your problems.

3.) I bite my nails -- and can never manage to have decent length nails. I can not reapply nail polish even when it gets chipped.

4.) Sometimes when I’m late for college, I run to college in my blue bathroom slippers, even if they do not match and I don’t care much about them. I often bundle my hair in a bun and if am on a three four day holiday, I may not comb them for that duration.

5.) Sometimes on a two to three day holiday, I think it is okay to take a late bath (8 or 9 clock in the night) or none at all, if u have an air conditioner in reach and good movies to watch.

6.) Except winters, when skin chaps and cracks, I never use any kind of skin cream on any body part. No not even some face moisturising cream after washing my face. i bought a body lotion some two months back – its seal still isn’t broken .

7.) I love make up, but I can never bother to wear it daily.

8.) I think using the loofa for taking a bath is a pain --- dead skin or no, it is stupid to take a bath for that long regularly. Sometimes like today, I take a three hour bath.

9.) I often leave shampoo and/or conditioner in my hair – I can never rinse it out completely

10.) I generally hate shopping. I shop once and then I’m done for a couple of months till the next emergency. i do like to help out my friends for shopping though .


some harmless secrets – which dim the pink from the girly blog ………

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

THINGS THAT PUT U DOWN

after a long hiatus , today i feel the URGE to write - i want to type correctly , and not make my letters all the same size - i want to savour their delicate non conforming shapes - i want them to be different .

two points to note - while writing the above passage , i actually went back to correct the errors i made in typing , and also rechecked both the spelling and meaning of the word SAVOUR. i also , did not think that my I'S need to be capitalized , nor did i hesitate in putting important words in caps .


THIS IS A POST COMING FROM A DEEPLY TROUBLED DEVIKA - WHO IS IN SOME MAJOR DILEMMA.

iv been stuck at home for a couple of days now - 12 days to be precise. i've got jaundice - and yes i was pretty unwell , but am doing much better - thank you very much.

for the past few days - as i was whiling away time - i realized , that there is so much i do not know. i am sorry , but college does not sound like fun to me - it is dead depressing. i wear salwar kameez to college - more of kurtas and churidaars , sumthing i never really liked to wear. girls there wear shorts - and very artfully do their hair. they carry blackberries , and talk to their boy friends - all this is not a problem

THE PROBLEM IS -- they ALSO did as well , or slightly lower , or BETTER than i did --- they have perfectly toned bodies - which means , they do spend a lot of time in putting together clothes - atleast much more than i do - they have boyfriends - they know more about things happening in the world - and -they also speak in class!!!!

which makes me realise - that what the hell have i been doing all this while ??? i don't talk a lot to boys - occasionally , when i do get calls , im not the kind who can go on talking for hours - FACE IT - it is better to talk to girls , they have more material to share . i have tastefully prepared clothes - which will last a long time , for im not one of those who waste too much time on clothes - once i'v bought gud stuff , i let it rotate on its own . i do my hair - bundling them up in a simple clutcher - i do speak in class - BUT AN OVERALL EVALUATION PUTS ME FAR BEHIND ALL THOSE GIRLS , WHO DO WHAT I DO , WHILE DOING A SHIT LOAD OF OTHER STUFF TOO !!!!


very - very - very - depressing !!!!!!


i did make it to the DEBSOC - i auditioned , and really wanted to get in. have been ill ever since - missed out on all the freshers debates --- the seniors were MEAN !!!! they called me a PERFECT SCHOOL SPEAKER . fuck ,i did'nt even like parliamentary much - but im going to try , i have to do sumthing in college - i can't be a loser - i can't just sit back and not do anything - thats not what i came to college for !!!!!


oh also - i practically hate one of my roommates !!! I HATE HER !!!! , i really miss the girl that moved to the hostel , bcoz of whom im stuck with that BITCH .


a couple of changes are in order i believe ----

1.) i will attend college regularly - face it , my attendance is short . i need to do well in the course , maybe that will make me feel better bout myself

2.) i will work on my body too - my sister's marriage mite just get fixed , and i don't wanna starve like i had to for mannu didi's wedding - though i lost weight , i also lost grades and peace of mind . losing weight always makes u feel better about urself .

3.) i will take a subscription for CSR and the TIMES - i can never forget the CLAT PAPER FIASCO. the fact that i did'nt make it to the first competition i gave , really put me down - what will i do with myself ??

4.) i will try to be less scared and try to keep myslef sane enough to go for a debate - i will have to , now that im in the society. it might just be , that i lose , but atleast ill have some experience right ??

5.) i will attend all the fun things that LSR ORGANIZES - ill go for the kim ki duk (or watever his name is) screenings - ill go for my NSS STUFF - ill even attend all future college stuff . maybe if i hadnt missed FRESHERS , i wld have known a lot more people by now .

6.) i will try to be not so hard on myself - so wat if im not intellectual , not sexy in an obvious way (im a big girl) - can't talk a lot to guys on the phone (im sorry, but seriously boys generally talk crap !!) - and hate doing nything out of the ordinary ?? im still going to be me rite ?? i had a shot of daru which made me feel real bad bout myslef - but that was the one absolute fun night i had.

7.) i will find out bout clubs and discos and stuff. maybe ill like it - who knows ??

8.) i will believe in "THE MAGIC OF LSR " - it isn'nt the best college for nyhting , im doing their cult course , and fuck im pretty okay with it - there is nothing wrong bout my future.

9.) i need to get a guy - i seriously need a guy - maybe , it might even be a fun , not all guys can be a pain right ??? i need to believe in love , sex and magic ,yeah

10.) i need to chill - once the antibiotics have healed my fucked up liver - i can concentrate on trying to put things my way , i need a goal - a passion - and i need to follow it . my life has sucked for too long now .


to the new me ----

1.) GET POSITIVE

2.) GET SLIMMER

3.) WORK HARDER - AND CARE WHEN U MESS THINGS UP


p.s. : im actually going to read the post before posting and check , if i made any errors - im already transformed !!!

p.p.s. : tell me if i still got some typos