Wednesday, August 26, 2009


after a long hiatus , today i feel the URGE to write - i want to type correctly , and not make my letters all the same size - i want to savour their delicate non conforming shapes - i want them to be different .

two points to note - while writing the above passage , i actually went back to correct the errors i made in typing , and also rechecked both the spelling and meaning of the word SAVOUR. i also , did not think that my I'S need to be capitalized , nor did i hesitate in putting important words in caps .


iv been stuck at home for a couple of days now - 12 days to be precise. i've got jaundice - and yes i was pretty unwell , but am doing much better - thank you very much.

for the past few days - as i was whiling away time - i realized , that there is so much i do not know. i am sorry , but college does not sound like fun to me - it is dead depressing. i wear salwar kameez to college - more of kurtas and churidaars , sumthing i never really liked to wear. girls there wear shorts - and very artfully do their hair. they carry blackberries , and talk to their boy friends - all this is not a problem

THE PROBLEM IS -- they ALSO did as well , or slightly lower , or BETTER than i did --- they have perfectly toned bodies - which means , they do spend a lot of time in putting together clothes - atleast much more than i do - they have boyfriends - they know more about things happening in the world - and -they also speak in class!!!!

which makes me realise - that what the hell have i been doing all this while ??? i don't talk a lot to boys - occasionally , when i do get calls , im not the kind who can go on talking for hours - FACE IT - it is better to talk to girls , they have more material to share . i have tastefully prepared clothes - which will last a long time , for im not one of those who waste too much time on clothes - once i'v bought gud stuff , i let it rotate on its own . i do my hair - bundling them up in a simple clutcher - i do speak in class - BUT AN OVERALL EVALUATION PUTS ME FAR BEHIND ALL THOSE GIRLS , WHO DO WHAT I DO , WHILE DOING A SHIT LOAD OF OTHER STUFF TOO !!!!

very - very - very - depressing !!!!!!

i did make it to the DEBSOC - i auditioned , and really wanted to get in. have been ill ever since - missed out on all the freshers debates --- the seniors were MEAN !!!! they called me a PERFECT SCHOOL SPEAKER . fuck ,i did'nt even like parliamentary much - but im going to try , i have to do sumthing in college - i can't be a loser - i can't just sit back and not do anything - thats not what i came to college for !!!!!

oh also - i practically hate one of my roommates !!! I HATE HER !!!! , i really miss the girl that moved to the hostel , bcoz of whom im stuck with that BITCH .

a couple of changes are in order i believe ----

1.) i will attend college regularly - face it , my attendance is short . i need to do well in the course , maybe that will make me feel better bout myself

2.) i will work on my body too - my sister's marriage mite just get fixed , and i don't wanna starve like i had to for mannu didi's wedding - though i lost weight , i also lost grades and peace of mind . losing weight always makes u feel better about urself .

3.) i will take a subscription for CSR and the TIMES - i can never forget the CLAT PAPER FIASCO. the fact that i did'nt make it to the first competition i gave , really put me down - what will i do with myself ??

4.) i will try to be less scared and try to keep myslef sane enough to go for a debate - i will have to , now that im in the society. it might just be , that i lose , but atleast ill have some experience right ??

5.) i will attend all the fun things that LSR ORGANIZES - ill go for the kim ki duk (or watever his name is) screenings - ill go for my NSS STUFF - ill even attend all future college stuff . maybe if i hadnt missed FRESHERS , i wld have known a lot more people by now .

6.) i will try to be not so hard on myself - so wat if im not intellectual , not sexy in an obvious way (im a big girl) - can't talk a lot to guys on the phone (im sorry, but seriously boys generally talk crap !!) - and hate doing nything out of the ordinary ?? im still going to be me rite ?? i had a shot of daru which made me feel real bad bout myslef - but that was the one absolute fun night i had.

7.) i will find out bout clubs and discos and stuff. maybe ill like it - who knows ??

8.) i will believe in "THE MAGIC OF LSR " - it isn'nt the best college for nyhting , im doing their cult course , and fuck im pretty okay with it - there is nothing wrong bout my future.

9.) i need to get a guy - i seriously need a guy - maybe , it might even be a fun , not all guys can be a pain right ??? i need to believe in love , sex and magic ,yeah

10.) i need to chill - once the antibiotics have healed my fucked up liver - i can concentrate on trying to put things my way , i need a goal - a passion - and i need to follow it . my life has sucked for too long now .

to the new me ----




p.s. : im actually going to read the post before posting and check , if i made any errors - im already transformed !!!

p.p.s. : tell me if i still got some typos


Kapil said...

Is THIS the crappy stuff troubling you? Strange to know that a change to be embraced, can even tamper with the rigid set up of yours and bring discomfort.

But how amazingly you've imbibed jealousy as something totally opposite to vice; it's suddenly productive. Absence of your guy isn't depressing, it's a fuel to the hope.

But one thing... guys itne bhi bure nahi hotey... ok

Trishla Dubey said...

i m not sure what to say.. but.. u really got me thinking...

but seriously, i mean.... isnt it okay to be average??

n i m sure u found out how much fun getting drunk is ;)

but on a more serious note.. its okay to be great in my own way.. not in a universally acceptable way!! so have fun gal.. :) u r great... and i m sure u ll enjoy ur collg life.. and u know about ur potential the best! :)

all the best!


@dalai : wat the hell !!!! kapil khurana , commenting on my lowly blog ??? well well - u never do stop amazing me .

and hello ,what do you mean by mY RIGID SETUP ?? im a pretty flexible person , okay , and u better not make generalisations on my character .

thank you for the entire thing bout jealousy ebing positive - only u cld have said that . lol

lets see how it turns out --and it isnt bothering me , its more like nagging me , pecking my collar bone .

thanks for dropping by -- i need to remeber ur at facebook too !!!


@ trishla : oye , i dont have any compunctions , or inhibitions on how awesome an individual i am -- but i dont like being behind -- not doing things which girls my age are doing , and are actually pretty much doing study stuff too.

bout being average -- hmmm, how average is average ??? and average to me isnt a nice word --- atleast ill never want to be average PURPOSELY !!

i have lots of fun in delhi - its just that its not IN college.

yesterday i was talkin to saumya , and i suddenly realisex how much i luv my course ---- yay , life seems brilliant again. thanks for dropping by nyways .

sidspacewalker said...

Awesomest girl doesn't need to talk like this ....Awesomest girl is definitely ill, I think now ....
Saala, itne ladkon ko to jeb mein rakhti hai ... phir keh rahee he ladka chahiye .....
you need an American bad-ass :p
All 4 comments above have such good english ... it makes me feel weird :|

**Sundara Sundara ... Sundara Sundara ..
sharbati nain mein khaab to bun zaraa,
Kya meri dharkane ... kehti hai sun zaraa ....
Sundara Sundara .... Sundara Sundara /.... **


u dude are the love of my life !!!

i luv u mann

u make me feel so good.

btw bout the english , lol if ur talkin bout kapil - he likes to show off on my blog !!!

Bejin Hakumei said...

Spot a typo.

'myslef' in 'a couple of changes are in order i believe ----', point no.4.