Tuesday, December 14, 2010

inception

i look at myself - from the outside almost , it seems.
i find flaws - many of them. infact, hardly anything i see is right. i give up on myself so many times. i dont know what keeps me going. i dont even know wether i want to keep going.

then there is a puff of smoke - and i no longer see myself. things become blurry -- the clarity becomes tinged with imperfection. i no longer see the harsh lines  that i had disliked -- everything becomes matted, with grease , flith almost. but i seem prettier, less imperfect to myself. my vision is flawed - for it can no longer see the reality. it can no longer distinguish the right shape and the right size -  i start appropriating what could be , with what i can see. i bloom ..while i appropriate - into a fuller, better, happier person.

is that why i pick the pastels when i look at colours ? is that why i detest sharp angles and lines ?

do we all just simply need a curve -- not to live straight honest rigid lives, but a simple honest accepting one ? one where, we can no longer see quite clearly, but imagine things to be what they can be ?

its a question - a soft hushed murmur almost - its a lie - its deception -- but , it promotes inception... of an idea of what i might just be. and someting so fecund , can never be wrong. can never be a lie.can never be ugly.
it must be beautiful - i dont really know, but i imagine it to be.

Monday, December 6, 2010

and it never made sense...

"so how do you expect me , to live alone with just me ?"




i remember reading it on someone's blog - "if i could be anything , i would love to be a brilliant idea " - i was so captivated by the thought , before my mind got occupied with other lesser things.....



so how would it be , if i could actually be one amazing idea ??

wonderful i think

"an idea , can change your life " (98, a a , 431 , 25 ) -- as i mentally hum the idea advertisement jingle , i think about AN IDEA.



it does'nt strike - my mind does not light up , i do not flex my fingers , forcing my face into a jubiliant expression ....... i love to read what other people write on their blogs - if they are very brilliant , i am very awed , but unfortunately due to certain personal drawbacks , i spiral into my idealess existence - how i never come up with anything remotely brilliant , how i am sure , i never inspire any stroke of brilliance.

when it gets too much , and there is quiet all around , i come here and i try to write - about something that would inspire someone , something that is perfect and beautiful ...... i never succeed.

the blog new post page takes years to open , i start getting impatient - i destroy the quiet by plugging my earphones , and open a new word document --- somehow, i dont like writing on the word document , this sanctioned writing space, which has several options to facilitate my writing , takes away from the brilliance , the beauty of writing --- and beauty is what i seek.



aah-- the blogger opened at last - i hastily copy paste what i have written till now , and i dont read through it again , because it never makes the same sense it made two seconds ago.....

i am listening to a stupid song -- i want to remember what prompted me to download it ...i start enjoying its inane poppy beats.... aah , thats why .

what was i talking about ? oh , being an idea - but , ideas never happen to me , ideas never inspire me - apart from those fleeting moments when they blind me.



sometimes , i want to stop thinking about myself , as a person - and think of myself as a self-existing spark of brilliance..... i burn brighter than a firefly - i burn , and i burn brighter, and this burning is the creative fire that purges and excites me....



fire burning .... fire burning..... destroyed the potential of the fire.

no i cannot exist as a burning spark of brilliance - says my head , as it shakes a little to a stupid song - and talks about calling 911.

if only, i could stick to one idea, then i guess i could be inspired.



somehow , even though what i write may never inspire anyone , as others inspire me , it may not be read with the earnest devotion i read brilliance , it may never even be enjoyable -- the process of coming up with it , has made me happier - has made me , ABOVE AVERAGE.

just then , a nice song starts on my phone -- and my mind , feels intellectual at liking the nice song , for it is another one of those things that make it feel brilliant.

idea or not -- stupid lyrics of crooner stuff -- i LIKE MYSELF :))



with this comforting thought , i will press send. even , if everybody else , refuses to like me.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

THOU SHALT WHINE !!

i shal whine today , the way i always do - the way i guess i was meant to be , to whine and moan and cry---

 sometimes , things in life are going so wrong that you just dont know how to set them straight - you feel so powerless in stopping them - and you are constantly aware of how little and small your problems are , yet , they engulf you in misery -- what do i do ? why cant , i set them straight ? and if i cant set them straight why am i involved ??


"nothing seems to fit , those , raindrops keep falling on my head ......."

Sunday, November 28, 2010

LOVE.

i dont love you anymore. the saddest thing is , neither do you .

Friday, November 26, 2010

SEX GODS...

It’s a brain thing – mentally, all of us are ravishing and strong and passionate and “good” in bed – real life however complicates things. In Your fantasies, the two sets of breathing lungs are always controlled – never gusty , or worse long drawn sighs – in your dreams, you moan with pleasure at the thoughts which if done to u in reality , would make you probably giggle .

The body never tickles, when you are dreaming and the entire notion of squeamishness that we actually associate with sex – is done away with. The opposite sex always ensures an unending and deep passion in you, which, as we know might not happen in reality.

Sex is a wonderful thing – in dreams. There, problems like birth control, vagina tears and smelly sheets never arise. Sex, becomes, another of those things that set life in perfect motion – romance , is already established , passion already a given. Real life , sex and love making become complex things – for you will not be sure about your body , you will worry about privacy and worse , nine out of ten cases , your mind will make it seem better than it actually was.

Random sexual encounters, will worry u of having begotten a child , or worse, AIDS. Hot women, might just have unsightly moles and hot men may just have the least impressive appendages. The thrill that dissecting a fantasy can give you , reality will never afford. So do we now say , that wishful thinking and the myriad varieties of porn are now the level of romance that god affords the rest of us in our lives ? or do we wait for fanciful things to happen . that will never happen to us ? horror of all horrors – your romance , can now be found within vibrators, dildos, and a regular yank for men now (do not have extensive knowledge on what men do).

Sex , then, with one person – becomes a good thing. You both know, each others faults and failings, and can work with them. A man , bad at sex , becomes the world’s biggest potent threat that must be exterminated – for he leaves, woman after woman unsatisfied. In such a world , where every bit of force fed romance may end in rape or atleast fears of rape , aids, heartbreak – monogamy , rules the roost . it becomes a compromise , and the most enjoyable sex ul ever have, to work with ppl who know where you tickle, who know your erogenous zones. The stranger in the barn , hotel , theatre, restaurant, never turns out to be good in bed, or you never get to check him, thinking that he probably has venereal diseases.

Why , do I pin the bane of the UNSEXY on men ? for , I believe , that , if a woman is bad at arousing a man , who is traditionally good at sex – he will not have sex with her. And if he does, he is trying to give her a good time , being charitable and hence , ultimately embalming his own ego. Alternatively , if a woman is good at sex – or “arousing” then , well , isn’t the entire point of a man good at sex , “doing” such a woman ?

Then how do we cure, this fatal disease that has hit the earth ? men who cannot kiss us lowly women , cannot “teach” and improve us mediocre ones ? who cannot satisfy us lustful ones ? who will cause us to fake , love and orgasms both ? do we read kamasutra to babies ? do we put them in sex coaching classes ? do we invest in good sex toys, that the child may have some practice on ?

Just saying…….

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A LITERARY PARIAH ?

"your heart is dead. it is not just black and putrid anymore, its dead. and vile thing that you are you can still get it to pump blood in your should be dead body - while you continue to live, dead-er than ever , yet you live . live the way people who really live live. you should have been dead now. why the fuck do you still live ? "




it was so passionate - it shocked me . i felt the force of his lystrine breath on my face , as he decided that he could infact shake me into being dead. i looked into his eyes , and then he looked at me -his mouth , growing smaller and smaller by the second .



"you want to laugh at me for using the word dead-er now , dont you ?"



it did the trick - and away i went , zooming into the world of condescending laughter - "hey, dont give me those black-er looks , they will not make me any dead-er."



he turned to go , but in that one stroke of poetic justice , he looked back at me , and said - "i loathe you . "



as he left , i realised , i loath-ed him right back- FUCK , LOATHED WAS A WORD. i had wanted to make it grammaticaly incorrect and funny - it came out right , anyhow.



damn you english honours !

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

TO SIR , WITH LOVE.

TO SIR , WITH LOVE.




Dear Teacher ,

I have been drawn to you , by my yearning to know – and my basic nature of being a kiss ass. If you are a pleasant person , and genuinely impress upon me that either youre a very good person or a very good teacher , I will want to be a name to you. A name you can connect with a face.

Its so hard sometimes , for me to be okay with the way I am. I was always a slacker – a passionate slacker , but a slacker nevertheless. It pains me that I have not been made in a way that my desire to know is matched with actually knowing things – the child in me wants to say , that my desire if met , would lead to loss of my uninformed but still individual opinion.

You know how I love thinking that the things I think are great – impressible. I live to impress, and be impressed that I have impressed. I am a child at heart – for I will want to BE patted and shown the occasional gold star. It makes me a baby , I daresay , but I like being that baby – atleast , I think I do. Whats the point of not liking something that you are always going to be right ?

I will run to you for confirmation that one day I will be appreciated by others who do not know me like you do. That’s what sometimes I don’t like about college – the ability to not really be able to connect with teachers anymore. I miss sitting with david sir or maam seth and talking my heart out about whatever was bothering me , and they always listened – listened , better than even my head listened. They made me spell out the things I feared the most.



Somewhere , I have been lucky. I am able to like the people who have something to teach me , I don’t judge them too much , and I am always awed by their knowledge. I despise those who are there to teach yet don’t – what is the point of wasting my time then ?

Sometimes, I want to tell you , all the things I want to change , that don’t let me sleep at night . I want to sit down with you , and be reassured that you know I am still there, hidden somewhere in the “teacher’s pet” -

Maybe , it was because I was never really able to open up to my friends who were always needier than I was . I don’t blame them – they didn’t have the faith I had in you , or in my parents.

Sometimes I feel so blessed to have met the people I have, that I think I am the evil eye of my life. My parents 9/10 times had the time to listen to me, if only I would be able to catch them in the right listening mood. My teachers , have always been particularly nice to me – and invoke in me more than respect , they invoke that childish love a kindergarten kid has for his teacher . I am still there, groping to hold someone’s hand , someone , whose fingers reassure me , that I am on the right path.



I have gone astray so many times , it was always a teacher who brought me back. I have given up on myself so many times, It was always a teacher who found me . I love the concept of a teacher – you are so brilliant , so patient and so wonderful .

But today, I want to tell you, how badly I have let you down. How much I have strayed from the path – and how I want to do things I would never want to tell you about. I miss the constant reassuring you knew so well to give . I want to feel like I was brilliant and special as you always made me feel.

It is a test now – a test , to not fail for else I will not only fail you, I will fail myself – I am so scared to move into the realms of my life where teachers will be scarce. I have heard cheesy things like – life is a great teacher – I somehow, always believed more in people – for god ensured I met good people. In fact , the very thought that god is more than a really kind powerful PERSON scares me. Ideas inspire and all , but they remain floating in the air, never giving you that touch of the flesh which I so crave.

I want to let you know, that I will make more mistakes, and I will be more anguished by them. I want you to know that I do not forget you, and everytime I feel like giving up on myself you come to my mind and remind me of all the previous times I had felt like giving up on myself.



One day , I want to sit with you , and feel the way about myself that I know you do. One day, I hope I am able to feel that positive and complete as you always made me feel.

You always brought the stars nearer and lowered the skies within my reach.

I love you , for you , guide me , when even I don’t want to guide myself anymore.

I will be better, I will be stronger, and I will start now.

Thank you, for reminding me , that my fears are unfounded and thank you for giving me the strength to believe in the positivity that is ME.



“FOR YOU , A THOUSAND TIMES OVER…….”

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

IMAGINE THE MAYBE.

the thing that really puts me out of sorts - and believe you me there are one million things that do - but the one , that flummoxes me right now - is - HOW DO YOU CONTEND WITH BEING JUST YOU?
if i had been feeling better about things , happening all around me -i would have probably said something like - CAN U POSSIBLY BE ANYTHING BUT YOU ?

now , the answer to the latter half of my present rant , would definitely be A  YES.  eventually, however one does turn into their real selves - you will fart eventually , you will pick your nose , you will forget to say excuse me after u sneeze and you will definitely stop paying attention to things that the other person is saying. but , transitory visits to others  worlds are possible  - and done by almost all of us , on a very regular basis .

there are so many things i want to be right now - i want absolutely clear skin , i want to be three inches taller , i want to be some odd 30 kilos lighter , i want longer straighter hair , i want the straight hair to curl too sometimes when i wish it , i want to be a kishore kumar song ,i want to be the spirit of theatre , i want to be brilliant and i want to be good and beautiful.

how do i be all these things ? for i will not take care of my hair, i will not stop eating , i will refuse to drag my ass to dramsoc meetings and i will  switch from kishore kumar to some equally awesome song.

my point is - that how do you control the many visions of you ? you as someone so not you ? how ? HOW ? HOW ?

maybe , i should learn to meditate - maybe then , i can control this ever assailing battle of the can -be -me's - maybe , wishing , and desiring , and ideas do grow boring after a while.

but why would you want to live like that ? where would be the fun ?

maybe , i could  start planning my blog posts, and not finish them in some 2 minutes of writing time flat - maybe.... i shld proof read them to remove the various typos that accompany nythign i write - maybe , i could do that , ...

but then, how would it remain anythign like me anymore ?

and it being anything but me , wld take away from its character , of being the evil spawn of my mind .

I HAVE EVEN FORGOTTEN WHAT I HAD STARTED THE POST WITH .... maybe , i should edit this post , so that someone who reads it (and there are , surprisingly, nice ppl who will read this) can make some sense of it -- or maybe , i can hit publish and finish the thing i started.

maybe........

Monday, November 15, 2010

LOVERS.

Sometimes  life becomes a blank - your mind is so riddled with so many things that it is almost a relief when everything becomes blurry ; it is almost a if you are too tired to even dream a dream.

Those are the days I like the best. Confusion , you are the one who loves me the most. You keep trying to reach out to hold my hand  and be forever by my side . You keep coming back to me , not minding at all that all I want to do is banish you from my life . You exist like my shadow , keeping me cool in summers and warm in winters. You are my figurative idea of a perfect lover. You are so strong and determined and stubbornly refuse to let me push you out of my life. They tell me you make me weak , whereas I think you make me weaker . You keep me in a perfect toss, always flustered , always posing a challenge that I want to work out , forever ensuring my status with you as a damsel in distress. You never let my mind get bored, forever putting dark deeds like suicidal tendencies there. You are so charming that you get me to do things I never should do otherwise. You mar my impulses , letting me be a more impulsive albeit more foolish person. You are my adventure I say !

Confounding ? Confounded , confusion compounded. One of these days , when I am older and not so good anymore , I think you will leave me for a prettier , more simplistic soul . I shall then replace you , by your closest competition - DEPRESSION.

p.s. I think I am travelling backwards in the art of writing a blog - getting worse, with practice.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

wanting , having and wanting some more.

DISCLAIMER : THE IDEA , HAS BEEN FLICKED FROM ARUSHI'S BLOG (I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO ADD A LINK - :|) ITS AN AWESOME BLOG AND WHOEVER READS THE CRAP I PUT UP HERE , SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY .

capitals hurt now - i feel their sharp singular same sized pointedness poking me under all that body flab directly , sharply into my ribs -- life changing ? seems like it .

i turned 20 , last week - and despite what i know feels stupid to say right now , i feel old. older than i have felt in a long time - and i feel my body shooting into old-dom with my brain refusing to move - refusing to go back to the interesting past or moving ahead , marshalling the things it thinks it should do right now. it has not been on a high for a long time , it has not stopped ticking , and sometimes i feel it will explode . i think it does not function as well as it used to earlier  - and i want it to function better than it ever did before. my mind , plays tricks on me ...... but i ramble


i had wanted to write a blog post , where i would spell out what i want to be in another 10 years --- but i think , life is so unpredictable , and so convulated - that i would rather for once try and live here in the now - dwell on the things that are not right and refuse to go completely wrong , so that you can give up on them.

i want to be so many things - and yet all i do is negate what i already am - i can see my past and future selfs cringing at what i am doing to my life right now.

am i depressed ?
no i am not

i just give up on myself a bit by bit - everyday

sometimes, i wish i could cure things like  i used to cure obstinate mood swings earlier --- eat a lot of ice cream , talk for hours to someone on the phone, read a good book , drink things that dont really taste good, have a long cry - listen to some angry rock music really loudly


its just that , i think this time  i will have to figure it out - somehow , somewhere , you want to stop running and sort things out ..


today , however is not one of those days
i run - mentally , while physically i condense into a blob.
paradoxes of life.

blaah , blaah, and more blaaah\\\

p.s this is not nymore, inspired from arushi'sblog , i wld still recommend reading hers  tho

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

This Birthday ......

1.) i want to have huge slabs of ice cream and not feel sick of it ..ever


2.) want to bring back the same happy times i used to have with a friend who is now sick of me , when we went zooming around our little world in my scooter - no this is not a judgemental point made. its true.

3.) want to wear my loreto skirt and dance on one of the library tables and get scolded horribily by maam bhatnagar

4.) want to kiss penelope cruz and then kiss johnny depp too .

5.) i want to feel as good about mc donalds as i did some 6 years back when we (tarangini, isha , bhumika ,arushi) sat loudly singing "we are loving it " in the very first mc d that opened up in lucknow.

6.) i want to sit on the cold hard floor , while my sister oils my hair and puts them into flat plaits.

7.) want to worry about papers and exams like i did , before.

8.) i want a home cooked meal , and all my friends who are not with me together here, with me

9) i want to talk to neharika gupta about doing weed.

10.) i want to listen to the wms sing some awesome song and cheer crazily for sophie and sapna.

11. want to text kritika , just for fun , asking her , fifty times a day - "which room number ?"

12.) want to make fun of shaifa !

13.) want to have my awesome meaningful early morning conversations with farnaaz khan and , do a backstreet boys karaoke with rummy.

14.) want to call asnah stupid asnah infront of three hundered people

15.) i want to see arushi ticked off five hundred times in school again.,

16.) i want to feel as bad as i used to when good friends would not turn up for my parties.

17.) i want to feel as happy as i felt , when my dad bought me my first casio , my set of harry potter books , my "tomboy" bike , my huge barbie doll collection --- somehow , last years laptop, mobile phones and other more expensive things never made me that happy .

18.) i want to wear a frilly frock , and distribute sweets to the kids in my class , and gave a couple of extra ones to the girls i really like

19.) i want to go and carefully choose the sweets i have to distribute.

20.) i want to find those anonymous gifts that sumhow , you never had the guts to tell me you got for me .

21.) i want to win another street play competition on ym birthday , and i want to get ticked off by school teachers for ruining nishant's uniform with cake oh and ofcourse that little sari debacle that happened which i would laugh at forever .

22.) i want to feel close to that girl who made a couple of birthdays so special for me -- the cards , the cake , and the simple effort u used to put in them

23.) i want arushi to give me those old westlife and backstreet boys special editions of Teenager again in the van

24.) i want those handsomely made handmade cards of ishas .

25.) i want to feel like i USEd to feel years ago when some random guy would get my number from someone and call on my birthday - the days before cellphones were permitted and the days when getting guys to wish you (cause u didnt know too many being in a convent and with no brothers) was a big deal

26.) i want to remember how tightly tejaswanee would hug me , and the little awesome gifts she would get for me.

27.) i want to feel the inane sense of pleasure ,when despite me being in the foulest of mood , pranjal and siddhant would still show outside my house , in school uniforms and beg me to let them come in.

28.) i want to remember how happy my bday used to make me

29.) i want to wear my "colour dress" and hold my mother's hand and get a picture clicked from my father's cherished canon camera - the ones we used to have before digital cameras were all teh rage.

30.) i want to feel the way i did , when madhav got me "first little fairy and other stories" as an appropriate book for a 14 year old - :)))

31.) i want to feel as resolutely as i used to feel about losing weight , like i did when i was 17 , or 16 - forgotten now.

32.) i want to remember my black leather jacket that i begged my mother to get for my thirteenth bday .

33.) i want to remember getting those cards from suzie , which she used to mail always a month late for my bday.

34.) i want to beg mariyam;s mom to allow her to send her for my party.

35.) i want to remember , crazy resolutions we made to absolutely do on our birthdays !!!

36.) i want to get cakes from friends which they would end up eating all tehmselves.

37.) i want to bully rohit into buying my make up , and making him not only pay but stand there while i bought it

38.) i want pranjal to buy me balloons for some random thing outside fun republic

39.) i want to go to the mandir with as much devotion as i used to when i was kid - when the most important thing used to be to live happily another year.

40.) i want to love the way i used to earlier , i want to be loved the way i was earlier - before , different countries got in the way,

41.) i want to read those diligently written long birthday messages of dalai , which he would end up sending from a train - and it would be special for i know how he hates texting .

42.) i want to feel that happy smile - which honey's "happy bday kudiye" always brought on my face.

43.) i want those birthday cards from udita which she always cherished more than me because , she loves cards .

44.) i want to dance like there is no end , and struggle with make up like i used to .

45.) i want to feel exicted about a mac pencil - oh wait , that i still am.

46.) i want to remember finally being allowed to wear high heels , and to be finally tall enough for a pair of jeans - only to end up gettin disapproving glances from miss noronha.

47.) i want to talk about doing shots with an excited fellow innocent girl , and maybe stumble in towards a cigarette stub or sumthing like that.

48.) i want to sit down and feel loved and special just cause it was my birhtday .

49.) i want to remember the ache that would infest my limbs for three days just cause i had so much fun on my birthday.

50.) i want , i want a lot of things - i want ricky martin's poster which got lost when we shifted houses , i want to love ddlj with the intensity i did earlier , i want that same excitement back with which isha and i would go round the field three times just discussing the essays we wrote for our silly half yearly papers , the way arushi and i would bitch for hours about everyone and everything , the way , my sister was sure to make some thing just right and everythign else absolutely wrong - i want to have the ""we shld take a trip talk" with ramla , i want the avs talks with farnaaz , i want ritu's birhtday kisses ,and i want furru's cynicism , i want tejaswanees quirks and neharika's make up tricks , i want , i want , i want johnny dep for my birhtday , i want a cake orgasm for my birthday (actually any orgasm wldnt be bad) i want i want i want



maybe , i should stop wanting , maybe then , i could act my age , maybe then i could really believe that birthdays are overrated - but i dont think , thats ever going to happen :

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Hate

it is the purest and more intense of anything you can feel - it is infact the most powerful feeling one can experience .

one might even go as far to call it , the most individual of all feelings - if you really hate someone , you have a very personal reason for doing so - or else , you're just one of those people who can hate everyone and everything .(who are geniuses , are exceptions )
hatred , is very much feared by everyone around the hater - crude forms of self abdication are often piled onto the hater - the hater , is described as being  bitter , frustated and  crude - a hater makes everyone around him uncomfortable .
they say , hate is a destructive feeling - and most importantly self destructive at that - i want to know why , would one call hate so - it fills you with resoltion , it fills you with a sense of clarity ,where all that matters is the hate , the revenge -

so why should one , not want to hate , everything and everyone violently ? why should hate not be the end all and be all of life - because , when opposed to the placidity of emotions like happiness and love , we can  see that hate is actually an emotion which will make you care immensely about things you do hate - it makes you feel so driven to distraction that it holds you , solidly in your own realm of your thoughts - how can such a mind then, accept the drudgery of a creative finish ? how can then - a mind so full of hate , want to give up the growing engulfing emotion that fills it  that seems to carry it in the world ?

hate - i say  i like . i like to hate things , and i like to hate people. i like to hate the environment and i like to defend the reasons why i hate something - for hate , unlike love is not twisted - it is a linear emotion , with a sense of purpose , a sense of true self seeking justice - it will lead you to believe in yourself , and it will lead to self confidence , it will eliminate dilemma , it will screen for you the things you really do want in your life - and it will leave you with the closest person who can truly love you ( the way love should be understood)- you.

hate will plight those whom you do not hate - i think , it is the exclusion that they feel. they then , want to employ the second purest of all feelings - pain , to feel their existence in you realm. they , will employ the subsideries of pain - disappointment and dispair , to feel closer to your "convulated" and more importantly , personal space - the one created by hate.

you learn to live in the now - when you hate . and you are made aware of your existence by the pain that will accompany hate .

so then, why so scared so afraid of the two purest and most beautiful emotions then ? why do you , convulate their absract beauty by trying to live throught the comfortable drudgery you call life - why ?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

RESTRAINT

"never let any man touch this and this and this " her mother said , slightly slapping the untouchablity she had marked out in her own daughter's body . The little child , looked balefully over her school tie , trying to remember the things she must not do  , the things she should'nt say , and ofcourse the things she should not let other people do.\
it was years later , that she remembered her mother's slight jabbing at "those parts" of her body .he asked her while he ran his fingers down her bellybutton , into the area mommy told her never to let anyone touch - "do you like it baaaaabyyyy" he slurred on , heaving and sighing , poking and pinching , groping and kissing , fondling and squeezing - she closed her eyes  , as she felt the strange man , trying to rub off her bridal lipstick , ruining the pretty flowers didiyaji had put in her hair and she wanted to scream - "NO !!!!" , she wanted to tell him it hurt , she wanted to tell him that  what he was doing was wrong , was chiiiii , but she did'nt , she bit her lip and followed the new rule her mother had wispered into her twelve year old daughter's ear - "never say no, ok , be pretty , comb your hair regularly , wear a clean sari and never disagree allright ?" - she tearfully heard her mother , whom she loved inspite of all the nevers and do'nts - she wanted to cling onto that woman , who had told her to not do this and not do that - but she let herself be swept away by the many arms of her brothers , uncles and her father - into a new life , where life was going to change itself , where even the right to say no would no longer exist - it was a new found level in her life , stifling or liberating she was yet to know.

she did not understand , why then did they kick her out of the house when they found that her husband's brother had tried to touch her in "those parts" - they said , she was characterless , and kicked her out of the house - her father had refused to see her face , and her mother had tearfully told her that she was a plighted child , difficult from the very beginning --- 

the child had lost her tears , she was confused , there were too many rules to remember  - her mother had said never to say no in the new house , she hadnt told her husband that it hurt her when he touched "those parts" ,  so when his brother asked her to come with him , how was she to say no ? what had happened between the finality of always refusing and always agreeing ?
was she being told to decide where to apply which extreme ?

she wanted to cry out , in joy for her new found freedom - but the very thought of having to decide for herself scared her senseless - she wasnt quite sure nymore what was supposed to be done -

the child stared at the world with quizzical eyes , for pain , fear and exhaustion , the natural agencies one has to distinguish  between what one should do and what one shouldnt she had shunned and ignored since childhood.

so as her father was draggin her across the room , tearfully , in hysterical fear asked her mother - "what should i do now mother ? should i say yes , or should i say no ? what mother what ? "

she died of a violent rape a few days later.  her mother , tearfully thought to herself , that the plighted child had found a miserable end - she introspected where and how she had failed in teaching her restraint .

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Friendship

i think friendship is a social construct , which forces people to do things for others that they really shouldnt be doing.




i mean , as a friend , i have certain responsibilities which i must undertake , or else , i am deemed to be called a bad friend - my problem is , i do so many things that your other friends dont do , and so many things that ur frends do and i dont do - why dont u mark the difference ?

it causes pain everyday - when you waste ur time and energy doing things which you could have not done , when it is not returned by your friends , when by some stupid frivolous gesture your friends alienate you .



so i have decided - to have no friends now :)

i want to meet people and be good to them - i would rather not have relationships of any sort , apart from the ones god made , by blood.

friendship is so disappointing at times - and the worst thing about friends is , they are never there when they should be there , and they alwas judge you , and they always disappoint you. i am sure , i as a friend do the same things -- it is this understanding which has made me realise , i do not want the so called close friends anymore. whats the use ? you will disappoint me , and i am sure i will too.

concentrating selfishly on myself now - living as a good person , who does not form barriers of too stifling familiarity - this is the new me ,

p.s. maybe when i am in a better less disgruntled mood , i will feel like explaining this , i feel like changing the way i feel right now - maybe , maybe not.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Blog Update

a good friend reminded me today that i have been ignoring my blog now that i am back in delhi - i think , she is very bored and wants the confirmation of my boredom - hence , asks for a blog update.

now a blog update is a difficult thing - it must be funny , or sensitive - it must be making a poignant remark on some thing stupid  , or maybe you could tell an incident that made your draw generalised conclusions about the world, or you could be abstract and show how cool you are  - it must atleast be readeable. or you know you could just ramble about being bored or somthing , but that is belittleing the spirit of the blog update

that is pressure i say !!

now i could tell you about a million things that dont/should happen to me - if i could just think of a particular thing worth the serious business of my blog - or i could start by writing about a movie , a book , or some new song i EXPERIENCED.

or the cynical me - could make fun of someone - yes that sounds appealing right now .
''
a blog update should not be this big a deal - or else , you are forever scared of being or rather not being  interesting , funny or cynical - a blog should be a blog and people should enjoy the banality of the written material - if they dont , then let them come up with something !

*sigh*

would it hurt if i could just exist a mindless puddle , with no saving graces in this highly judgemental world ?
who would i let down and who would i give the satrisfaction of being right about me.

im rambling now 

PEACE

Friday, October 15, 2010

random crazy things about me :)

i am all out of ideas for a blog post - nd as  i will be in delhi in another two days , i think my blog is going to be ignored like the poor baby always is - so here are some really random things about me , some secret , some not so - :

1.) my favourite font on ms word is comic sans - i never put my work in any other font , it reminds me of the way maam seth used to write on the black board , like beautiful little rounde chubby letters .

2.) i love typing in caps - i like the order and neatness of letters in capital . i only type in small letters when i am very upset , angry or confused - or am trying to change the way i have always been .

3.) i talk really loudly , and to whisper is very difficult for me .

4.) i have an immense love for books and would consider my life very well spent if i could spend it reading books .

5.) when i write something particularly good ,i get a huge writers block after that - that is why i stopped writing on my first blog. i felt the three stories i put up on it were brilliant and i could just not come up with nything of that sort for the longest time (and i still can't)

6.) i really believe in the brilliance of my friends - and even some girls who are not really my friends .

7.) academic excellence is an excellent to have - when i get it that is. i love to do well on tests . exams are a different thing, somehow.

8.) i love to talk - painfully so!

9.) i hate talking to boys on the phone - i think , they are so boring and lack teh ability to make interesting conversation . i love chatting with them though !! specially some guys , are just so brilliant when you make them think what they have to say next.

10.) i think a guy with strong arms and a nice straight nose is hugely turning on.

11.) i am creeped out by really bad acne - i am not proud of this , but somehow i am .

12.) i love to dramatise my dislike for people - its so nice to feel so intensely about things.

13.) i believe whole heartedly that i cannot love another person with the intensity that most can - i regret this though , it must be nice to have that chemistry.

14.) i think flirting is amazing - relationships boring and sex must be awesome :|

15.) i love watching movies - on my laptop and in the underpriced pvrs of lucknow.

16.) i hate dressing up - except the times when i like it.

17.) i love make up - though im too lazy to wear it everyday .

18.) i am majorly freaked by white maruti vans - due to the fact that most of the kidnappings in movies happen in these vans .

19.) i am fascinated with writing about morbidity , and i think i should ahve outgrown it by now but i havnt.

20 .) i love to discover new music and new bands - i think it is very enriching.

21.) there is nothing better than lucknow street food and my mumma's khana/

22.) i love coffee dates -  i love coffee, i love  interesting conversation and if u start getting bored you can always bolt :P

23.) i am creeped out by guys wearing pink - i think it is our colour and should be left forus :)

24.) i think TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD  is one of the best books to be written ever.

25.) i think so many things in life are overrated - sometimes, includin awesome music bands/

26.) i want to be strong enough as the strongest of men , yet somehow retain the very feminity of a bharatnatyam dancer .

27.) i think our dance soc girls are super hot !

28.)  i think i suffer from teh most violent mood swings - they suck . but they are so importatnt too !!

29.) i would love to be able to play the guitar, but if i cant , i am fascinated with those who can :)

30.) i love to update my blog - but mostly i feel the posts are such a sorry excuse for a blog post. i would like to write better.

twisted

fuck it .

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Gone with the Wind

Somethings are just so beautiful that even someone who can translate everything into words cannot describe them. Gone with the wind - its almost as something fills me warmth to the very tips of my toes – it is probably one of the best made movies ,and the greatness of the book is uncontested.


When things seem to go very wrong for me , when i lose hope in all that i believed was good , when men are particularly nasty and women pointedly bitchy, when mothers don’t want to know why i have been crying , when the pg aunty wouldn’t let me go out for a night out , when i am very broke , when i am sore , when i don’t believe in love anymore , when the rain just wont stop , when the summer just wont end , when a friend would just never call , when my old pair of jeans wont fit , when every car would splash muddy dirty ecky water only on me , when i am down with flu – then i think of Gone with the Wind , and somewhere , somehow things seem better.



When i kiss you , an unexpectedly well done term paper, a brilliant street play performance, a nice day of getting high, finally being able to download some obscure song or movie , when a good looking guy hits on me , when there are millions of books to read , when someone treats me for giani’s , when suddenly a bitchy girl apologises , when my parents are particularly proud of me – then also , Gone with the Wind seems to work just fine .



when nothing seems to go right,when romance seems dead ,when music is nolonger melodious, when movies lose their color, when men are no longer handsome and good , when women no longer fair or vain , when the world stops to make sense -i watch GONE WITH THE WIND - and though all seems lost , you alone , of all things are so beautiful that i cherish all that will and has to be called now and forever -GONE WITH THE WIND



i will love you, forever as passionately as i did when i first read you , as crazily when i first saw you - as a memory of the childhood that has gone with the wind

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Friday, October 8, 2010

Day Dream Believer

i wanted to fly to the moon and tell you i've done that -  but then i thought , you'd never believe me - so i started thinking of what i could do to make you believe. i sat down , two little bellowing curls at my temple , a pen in my hand , a half bitten apple and scrunched up my nose , ready and determined to make you believe .  maybe , ill tell you bout the things i saw there , which would be so wonderful that you would be taken aback and readily devour anything i said - but then, maybe you'd mentally call me imaginative and blithe my truth by the illusiveness of imagination. and that would taint the beauty of my visit to the moon . so i thought , again and again of the various ways to convince you , to make you feel what i would feel on the moon .

maybe i'd take you with me - then both of us would believe each other . but then , how would we make everyone else believe ? for people must believe - they must believe ,  for otherwise we live selfishly for our own pleasure (though we might say that beauty is lost on disbelievers and write them off as disbelievers) gloating on the secret knowledge we have , and nobody else seemed to possess - i  know you will feel it later that others never believed us , and then you'll blame me , for the stupid journey we made .

no ,that will not do - for stupidity is too much beauty and perfection to be wasted on my little ride to the moon . it will cause destruction of the little peaceful memory i wanted to make for you - it must be beautiful but not too beautiful and being stupid , like iv always told you , is being extraordinary and painfully beautiful .

so i thought , maybe , id go to the moon anyway - and figure out later how i shall convince you about the fact of my visit .

 i came back , armed with the perfect knowledge of just how i will convince you that  i had visited the moon. but when i told you , you in your random , absolutely breath taking way asked me - "but what did you do all that for ?" - and i was bursting , to tell you my argument , to convince you just as much a person can convince another - but your question left me lost for words - i was aghast , tears welled up in my eyes , this just didnt make sense - "ofcourse , to convince you that i had been there !" , you looked puzzled and taken aback by my very violent reaction - "but this just does'nt make any sense , you must have had a point , going all the way to the moon !" "it wasnt supposed to make sense !! ," i shouted at you ! - "it was supposed to be a beautiful , exquisite , abstract memory - created with the utmost thought by me for you !! and now you've ruined it !" -- you looked at my pityfully , i am sure , somewhere waiting to burst into that amazing musical laughter of yours and drawing me closer to you , then with that gentle motherly way of yours , you asked  me - "do you want to recreate it for my anyway ? would you like it for me to be convinced ?? i'll put up a major fight , and let you really get all hot and bothered in convincing me , and i promise i wont get convinced  till you've gone through all the little hurdles you pictured in your mind- which were to stand in me believing that you did visit the moon - i promise !" - i was pacified by this seemingly selfless suggestion of my mother- and i went on to make her believe how i had seen the moon , and she , like the true sport she was , continued to be all aghast at the non-senseness of my talk till the very last moment , when she got convinced , believing me , for her belief , she knew , had to be earned by me - she could'nt just give it to me , even though she was my mother and would have wanted to readily believe anything i had accomplished .

p.s. this is a weird post - but somewhere it speaks to me , as the teenage-angsty relationship of a daughter and a mother . i  have no clue what induced me to write what i just wrote , i want to believe it makes sense , and its abstract and its beautiful , but if it isnt , im sure , my mother will believe it , if i explain it to her in great detail :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

mind over groin

the little boy , pulled up his shorts as he wiped his right hand on the clean white muslin hankerchief his mother had lovingly attached with a safety pin to the left breastpocket of his school uniform . He was 11 years old.

the girl he had been spying at could'nt have been older than 10 - yet she had breasts .  little knobbly things they were , yet such was their mystic power that they could send shivers down his little weenie .

he was a good little brahmin boy - every tuesday evening you would find him lost in a  crowd of vermillion streaked foreheads at the hanuman temple - praying for strength , promising brahmacharya (or celibacy) - he would  follow his father , holding the very last end of his father's dangling thread of worship ,  slung across his naked torso.

he still had his hair parted sideways , and had not yet started listening to rock music , or blindly following into the steps oh his slightly older and far more rebellious brother whom his parents had given  up on -  as a lost cause ,for he had been rumoured to have visited dirty websites on the computer and had been known to  cut class to watch "Striptease" in some shady cinema hall of the very hindu , the very religious city of Benaras . after particualrly violent arguments doctor sahib's wife would cry in his arms (in the respectable sexless way she was supposed to behave after having been blessed with two sons - that was all her claim on her man's penis , and anyway she was too wrapped up in the nutritional needs of the men of her family to ever crave sex. she was a brahmin , born and brought up to lead an example to other sex crazed women who were typically born in lower castes - her saris were tasteful only on family functions, her hair regularly oiled and her ornaments ostensibly austere.) that it had to be the influence of his early influence to channels like MTV.

but her little boy , oh ,  his JANIYO (a man's coming of age - religious coming of age ceremony) had to be performed as soon as panditji would give them the right date .

so why was this 11 year old boy , who might as well have been castrated to the people he lived with , masturbating ? how did he even know how to do that ? his friends had been carefully hand picked by his parents , his society manufactured with the very children who were younger siblings to disappointing elder children - he had been moulded into religion since before he could remember - he had been kept as innocent as possible , denying him television all together , taught by the strictest of conformist teacehrs -- how did he learn to reach into his pants and give it a little doink every now and then ? how did he become so unscrupulous to spy on little girls with little bee pecked breasts ? how did he become so sexual after all of everyone's efforts to protect him from desanitizing the holiest of aspirations his entire world had envisaged for him ?

and how were children this young , even with every sort of protection from unnecesary "western" influence growing sexually lethal ??

maybe , there were radiations in the air -  power waves coursing through every child of every age - wanting to make them socially sick , perverted and hypocritical. maybe , we cannot find anyone to blame any more.

maybe , years of  religious and moral hedgemony will now be avenged by making children grow up too soon - maybe , we will again need to establish child marriages , if we have to protect unsuspecting sexual objects from both privation and exploitation -- maybe , sex is going to have its revenge.

or maybe , we could just keep our hands glued to our groins -- maybe we could give up false notions of love and romance - maybe , every pair of breast now is only to excite that walking of the dog , by every kid on the block - maybe , even sexual attraction is namesake - for even sexual objects have lost the particular charecteristics they earlier required to arouse sexual interest .

what are we going to do now -- ??? and how are we going to save face ?

p.s.: written after a day of reading Judy Blume's - Are You There God ? Its Me, Margaret . and  Then Maybe , I Won't . --  two little books  on a little girl and a little boy dealing with their individual sexuality and various other issues. interesting reads .

Thursday, September 30, 2010

DEATH , DESTRUCTION AND VIOLENCE .

DID I EVER TALK ABOUT THE GIRL WHO DIED A MONTH AND A HALF BACK ?? A GIRL , WHOM I KNEW AS A LIVING CREATIVE FORCE A WEEK BACK , DIED . THAT WAS IT . END OF A LIFE - I DID NOT KNOW HER VERY WELL - STILL HER DEATH LEFT ME SHOCKED FOR DAYS . I READ HER BLOG AND WORSE HER MOTHER'S BLOG A COUPLE OF DAYS BACK - AND I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE OVERWHELMING SENSE OF SORROW THAT FILLS ME -- EVERYTIME , I SEE HER PICTURE POSTED ON SOME BULLETIN BOARD IN COLLEGE - I REMEMBER ALL THE TIME I HAD SPENT WITH HER , DISMISSING HER AS YET ANOTHER PERSON I KNEW - NOT ANYMORE NOW .



THE FINALITY OF MY EXPERIECE WITH ME , SENDS CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE. I KEEP THINKING , HOW WE ALL COULD JUST DROP DEAD AT ANY POINT OF TIME , AT ANY WHIMSICAL GESTURE OF WHOEVER IT IS THAT DECIDES WETHER WE LIVE OR DIE. THE UNBEARABLE SORROW THAT ONE LEAVES BEHIND AFTER ONES DEATH IS SOMETHING THAT SEEMS TORTOROUS FOR EVEN A WHIMSICAL AND DIDACTIC GOD - IT IS NERVE WRAUGHTING PAIN , SOMETHING THAT CAN PUT AN END TO LIFE AS YOU HAD KNOWN IT .



I WONDER , WHO WILL CRY THE MOST IF GOD FORBID, I WAS TO DROP DEAD TOMORROW ? WILL I BE MISSED ? WILL MY MOTHER EVER BE ABLE TO PULL HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER . MY MOTHER - SHE IS THE ONE I THINK OF WITH IMMENSE PAIN WHEN I THINK OF MY DEATH - I WANT TO PROTECT HER FROM THE PAIN OF MY UNTIMELY DEATH JUST AS I PRAY LIKE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE TO BE PROTECTED FROM THE NEWS OF UNTIMELY DEATHS OF MY LOVED ONES . ALL WE CAN HOPE IS , THAT WE ESCAPE PUNISHMENT IN THIS CRUEL GAME OF LIFE AND DEATH .



HOWEVER , AS LIFE HAS BEEN GOING FOR ME FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS , THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO SOME PEOPLE - IF I WERE TO DIE , I WOULD LIKE THEM TO KNOW I FELT -:



1.) I LOVE U MUMMA - THERE IS NOBODY I LOVE HALF AS MUCH I LOVE AS I LOVE YOU. INFACT , IM EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE THAT IS THE EXTENT TO WHICH I LOVE YOU. YOU HAVE MANY A DREAMS FOR ME , AND I DONT KNOW IF I CAN FULFILL THEM , BUT I SURE AS HELL TRY - SOMETIMES :p . IF GOD FORBID , I WERE TO DIE - PROMISE ME , YOU WILL TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF , AND PAPA . ITS ESSENTIAL THAT YOU BOTH STAY HEALTHY - IF NYTHIGN WAS TO HAPPEN TO YOU (GOD FORBID) I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT , EVEN IN MY DEATH.



2.) PAPA - HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF THE PERSON YOU ARE ? HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU , HOW I RELATE YOUR STORIES WITH ALMOST A GLOATING PRIDE ?? HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU , THAT YOU ARE THE MOST CONSIDERATE HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET ? HAVE I TOLD YOU , THAT WHEN IM VERY SURE THAT ILL FAIL SOME THING - YOU ARE THE ONE IM MOST SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ? HAVE I TOLD YOU , THAT WHEN THINGS GO DOWN , I ALWAYS TALK BOUT WHAT ALL YOUVE DONE FOR ME AND HOW PROUD I AM TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER ?? IF I HAVNT , THEN I WILL TELL YOU VERY SOON. I ADMIRE YOUR INTELLECT , YOUR PASSION FOR THINGS AND ABOVE ALL YOUR OPTIMISM FOR LIFE. I WISH , I AM ABLE TO BE HALF THE THINGS YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE - I LOVE U PAPA A LOT !!!



3.) DIDI , EVER SINCE WE WERE KIDS , YOU WERE MY FAVOURITE BARBIE - SOMEONE I ALWAYS SHOWED OFF - SO PROUD I AM OF YOU !! OF MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER , WHO HAS TAKEN US THROUGH THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES IN LIFE WITH THE STRENGTH OF A SUPERWOMAN . I HOPE GOD GIVES YOU ALL THAT YOU DESIRE AND MORE. I HOPE , ABOVE ALL HE GIVES YOU HAPPINESS - SO MUCH SO THAT YOU MAKE ANYONE YOU MEET HAPPY - THERE IS ONE THING I WANT FROM YOU - TO TAKE VERY VERY GOOD CARE OF MUMMY AND PAPA - ALWAYS. SPECIALLY PAPA , BECAUSE HE WILL NEVER ACCEPT IT , BUT HE LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY - HE LOVESYOU MORE THAN TWO OF ME PUT TOGETHER.



4.) ARUSHI , ISHA , GARIMA , MARIYAM AND UDITA : I LOVE YOU GIRLS !!! AND IF I WAS TO DIE , IM SURE ID GET A GOOD DOSE OF GRIEF FROM YOU GUYS - ARUSHI , YOU HAVE TO START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF MORE , AND NOT LET OTHERS SHIT GET YOU DOWN , YOU'RE AWESOME , EVEN THOUGH U HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF A 2 YEAR OLD , STILL , IM GLAD THAT U DECIDED TO LEAVE GAUTI ST MARY' AND LORETO WAS KIND ENOUGH TO TAKE YOU ON AS A CHARITY CASE :p - MAY GOD , GIVE YOU GOOD SENSE AND MAY YOU ACTUALLY FIND A GUY WHO CAN LIVE WITH YOU , JUST THE WAY YOU ARE .

ISHA - IM SO WORRIED BOUT YOU !!! YOU MUST NEVER EVER LET YOUR OWN INSECURITIES AFFECT YOUR DREAMS ISHA - I AM SURE , ONE DAY YOU WILL BE DIGGING UP PHAROAHS , SOMEHOW. YOU ARE THE MOST TALENTED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET - AND ILL BE DAMNED IF I LET YOUR INSECURITIES GET IN THE WAY OF YOU ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL .YOURE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON ISHA , BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU . :))

GARIMA :ONCE IM THERE ,ILL PRAY TO GOD THAT HE TURNS HIS EYE TOWARDS YOU - EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT BELIEVE IN GOD NYMORE ,I BELIVE IN MIRACLES , AND I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES - AND I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IN THEM TOO , FOR MY SAKE !

MARIYAM : DONT HAVE SEX IN PLACES WHERE IT IS CONSIDERED SACRILIGEOUS !!! AND EVEN WHEN IM DEAD , FEED SOME NICE FAT BRAHMIN GIRL SEWAIYAN THINKING OF ME.

UDITA : FIRST - TAKE VERY VERY GOOD CARE OF AUNTY !!! AND THEN , ALWAYS ENCOURAGE ANANT TO BE THE ULTIMATE DUDE !! ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE SOME NICE MEN VERY HAPPY. AND MORE OVER , PLEASE CHOOSE UR JOURNALISM LINE VERY CAREFULLY , TAKE CARE THAT YOU ARE NOT ABUSED OR NYTHING. INFACT , YOU CAN TEACH JOURNALISM TOO , YOU KNOW , ITS JUST AS GOOD. MAKE SURE THAT RITU MARRIES A NICE RICH GUY WHO CAN ENABLE HER TO BUY M BLOCK !! AND OFCOURSE WITH HER STUPENDOUS SALARY SHED BUY LOS ANGELES :))

TELL FURRU , TO STOP CALLING ME FAT ONCE IM DEAD ~~~ AND OFCOURSE , TO COME AND WHISPER ALL HER SECRETS TO ME , FOR NEVER TELLING ME ONE IMPORTANT ONE!!



5.) SIDDHANT : DO NOT DATE POULOMI !!! ID HAUNT YOUR PENIS , IF YOU DO THAT !!

MAKE YOUR MOTHER VERY HAPPY , AND TELL HER ABOUT ME (FINALLY !!) - AND FIND SOMEONE AS AMAZING AS ME TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ALWAYS - FOR THAT WILL BE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME , TO KNOW THAT YOUR HAPPY. AND NEVER EVER DOUBT THAT I LOVED YOU !!



6.) SAUMYA AND KSHITIJ : DO NOT CRIB ABOUT THE ORDER OK ?? ITS JUST HOW THE STAGES WHEN I BECAME FRIENDS PEOPLE !! SAUMYA , DONT CRY TOO MUCH , AND DONT USE MY DEATH AS A SORROWFUL EXCUSE , TO NEVER TALK PROPERLY TO ANYONE ELSE OK ?? AND , ON MY BIRTHDAY - AS A HABIT , BE GOOD TO PEOPLE , NO MEAN NESS.

BECOME A DANCER AND DANCE AROUND THE WORLD , AND SPREAD THAT INFECTIOUS JOY YOU PERSONIFY WHEN YOU DANCE !!

CHINU : ACCEPT IT THAT I WAS LIKE A SISTER TO YOU . ONE DAY EVERY MONTH , JUST AS A HABIT , TRY SPENDING LESS TIME WITH YT OK ?? AND UR MY BEST GUY FREND !! - FOR YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS ME !! BUT THEN , SAUMYA , ISNT YOUR MANHOOD CONTESTED ??



7.) ROHIT , PRANJAL : DEAR ROHIT - PLEASE CRY , PROPERLY WHEN I DIE - I WOULD WANT THAT . YOU WERE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS , AND SOMEHOW TIME HAS REALLY MADE US STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER -- AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BITCH ABOUT YOU , AND NO MATTER THE NUMBER OF TIMES I BITCH ABOUT YOU , I WILL ALWAYS CARE AND I ALWAYS WANT YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY - VERY VERY HAPPY . AND IM SORRY, IF IV EVER HURT YOU - AND IM SURE , AFTER IM DEAD , I WONT MIND THE THINGS THAT WERENT RIGHT AND WILL ONLY NEED YOU TO KNOW THE AMOUNT I THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT WERE RIGHT.

PRANJAL : MAKE A TOAST TO ME , IF YOU MARRY DIVYAA - AND NAME ONE OF YOUR AMAZING BUSINESS VENTURES UNDER MY NAME . AND NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR FRIENDS OKAY - NEVER EVER CHANGE !! YOURE AN AMAZING PERSON , THOUGH YOURE VERY JUDGEMENTAL - BUT STILL , WHEN ONE CARES AS MUCH AS YOU DO , I GUESS THAT PERSON IS ENTITLED TO BE A LITTLE JUDGEMENTAL





THERE ARE SOME VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE WHO ALSO MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I CARED FOR THEM - MADDY : DUDE , YOURE THE MOST AWESOME BROTHER NYONE CAN EVER HAVE , AND UR MY FAVOURITE SIBLING !! I HOPE YOU CHANGE THE WORLD , AND STILL BE ABLE TO DISMISS IT AS A WASTE OF TIME !

MAAM SETH : YOURE THE MOST AMAZING TEACHER THERE EVER WAS - INFACT YOURE MORE THAN A TEACHER !! PROMISE ME , YOU'D START A TEACHER'S TRAINING PROGRAM !!! AND PROMISE ME , YOULL TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR HEALTH . I LOVE YOU A LOT MAAM - YOU'RE THE SECOND MOST AMAZING WOMAN IV EVER MET !

DAVID SIR : PLEASE , PROMISE ME , ULL START ACTING UR AGE , AND GET MARRIED !! MOREOVER , NEVER GIVE UP TEACHING ! UR REQUIRED IN THAT VOCATION . THANK YOU SIR , FOR ALL THAT UV DONE FOR ME !

POONAM MAAM : I LOVE YOU MAAM . SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH



ASNAH - I WANT YOU TO BECOME A LITTLE MORE RESPONSIBLE , CMON , YOU CAN DO THAT MUCH FOR ME !

NAAZU : I LOVE YOU GIRL !! GIVE ROCK MUSIC A TRY FOR ME

RAKSHA : MARRY FOR LOVE , AND GIVE UP SMOKING DARLING

TEJASWANI : I LOVE YOU. AND PLEASE GET MARRIED AND HAVE SOME AWESOME CHILDREN WHO WILL HAVE AMAZING STREET THEATRE POTENTIAL.

RAMLA : I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY , JUST THAT , I LOVED YOU A LOT WHILE I LIVED , AND EVEN THOUGH SOMEWHERE THINGS ARE NOT RIGHT , AND MAY NEVER BE QUITE RIGHT AGAIN , WHILE WE WORKED , THOSE WERE AMAZING TIMES!!

SHAIFA : DONT LET YOUR FEAR FOR EXAMS EVER STOP YOU FROM ACHIEVING ALL THE ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE YOU DERSERVE. LOVE YOU SHAAAFAAAAA

DALAI : BE LESS BORING - IM DEAD , YOU CAN KILL BY BOREDOM , UV PROVED A POINT !!



AND THE THOUSAND OTHER PEOPLE WHO MEAN A HELL LOT TO ME , BUT IM NOT SURE, I MEAN SO MUCH TO THEM - THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE.



I LOVE THIS WORLD SO MUCH !! GOD BLESS ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE WITH LONG BLESSED LIVES , AND BLESS ME WITH A LONG LIFE TOO .



I THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME SO MANY PEOPLE WHO I LOVE AND IM SURE , WHO LOVE ME BACK !



"TO LIVE, WOULD BE A GREAT ADVENTURE !"

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES !!

LIFE IS SHORT AND THERE IS A LOT WORTH LIVING FOR - BUT TO REALLY LIVE THE WAY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNHAPPY ,  PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY DISAPPOINT YOU , PEOPLE WHO JUST DONT TURN OUT RIGHT , THINGS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL , THINGS BURIED DEEP IN THE PAST - SO HERE IT GOES  TO A NEW HAPPIER BEGINNING , I BURN DOWN THIS FOREST, YET AGAIN .....

1.) I AM GIVING YOU UP . I THINK IV GOTTEN MORE INVOLVED THAN I EVEN THOUGHT I WILL - AND LETS FACE IT  IM NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONES EMOTIONAL STABILITY ANYMORE THAN YOU ARE.  I COULD DEAL WITH LIFE WHEN I KNEW  JUST WHAT TO EXPECT AND TRUST ME ALL THIS SIGHING ON THE BALCONY , WAITING FOR U TO SHOW UP , OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP IS NOT ME - AND I WOULDNT WANT TO MORPH INTO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT ME . DONT TELL ME ITS SELFISH -  BECAUSE ITS NOT . SO YES , YOU HAVE EXISTED TILL NOW AS  A FOLDED PAGE IN MY LIFE -  SOMETHING I COULD ALWAYS TURN BACK TO , I UNFURL YOU NOW. MENTALLY  AND EMOTIONALLY.

2.) YOU ARE BARRED FROM MY PSEUDO REALMS OF FRIENDSHIP TOO NOW - YES , YOU DONT LIKE ME AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I DONT LIKE YOU ANYMORE. SO IM GOING TO SAVE MYSELF THE PAIN OF UNNECESARY ANGER AND RESENTMENT WHEN I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CRONIES.  YOU ARE THEREBY BANNED FROM MY LIFE. I WOULD LIKE TO STILL GET BIRTHDAY WISHES FROM YOU , AND ID DO THE SAME TO YOU , BUT THATS THE OUTER LIMIT OF POSSIBILITY WHERE YOU AND I ARE CONCERNED.

3.) I DONT LIKE THIS , AND I DONT LIKE THAT - SO THIS AND THAT , I WILL NOT BEAR WITH. STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT I DO AND WHAT I DONT DO RIGHT . I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT - STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO ME THINGS THAT JUST DONT GO DOWN WELL WITH YOU , IF YOU FEEL IM CRAMPING YOUR STYLE - KINDLY EXTRICATE ME FROM YOUR LIFE , ITS PAINLESS AND ITS SIMPLE AND ID APPRECIATE IT. ALSO YOU CAN SAVE FACE OF NOT BEING DUMPED MERCILESSLY BY ME , BUT DO THE NEEDFUL YOURSELF.

4.) I AM GOING TO TAKE DECISIONS ABOUT MYSELF NOW - AND I REFUSE TO ACCEPT CRUTCHES OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE SOCIAL SPHERE YOU SO WILLINGLY OFFER ME . I AM DONE WITH TRYING TO FIND HAPPINESS  OR BE HAPPY -  I THINK , I NOW UNDERSTAND WHAT RICHARD TAYLOR MEANT WHEN HE SAID THAT HAPPINESS DOES NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL - AND MEANING I SEARCH , TILL I CAN GET OUT OF THINGS THAT JUST DONT MAKE SENSE .

5.) I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE , NOT EVEN MYSELF TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF - I JUST WONT. ALL THAT KEEPS ME SAFE , IS WHATEVER I THINK I AM , AND CAN BE - AND I WILL NOT BE DRIVEN TO INSANITY .

Thursday, July 8, 2010

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA -- NOT SO MEMORABLE AFTERALL....

hmmm - wat is with me finding everything im reading these says so disappointing ?

Memoirs Of  a Geisha - by Arthur Golden - is a novel everyone has heard of. i finally finished it today - as i knew the ending of the novel i had been  lazy to read the last 30 pages of the novel . it is interesting indeed - meaningful and actually  does illuminate one bout the unknown asian past - but  if i were to look at it as a love story  - i would not find it as romantic as most people do.

the girl is skilled and exploited prostitute - she falls in love with an older man - guiding her through this is a much more interesting character called NOBU - she ends up with her love interest not with nobu.

i find the chairman a very weak character - it is almost despicable that all these married men are allowed to cumilatively exploit several women - while espousing false ideals of traditions - if sayuri had ended up with nobu , i think it would have made me happier.

it has all the traits of a bestseller - the woman's plight - who is astonishingly beautiful - falls in love with a handsome man , learns to love the hard way but ultimately finds a sort of happiness .with war , japan's great history , song dance routines and sex

though ,i do not agree with the read - and it will not feature on my favourite books list - it nevertheless has some very interesting characters - like sayuri's sister , the okiya keepers , mameha to name a few

one should read it though - it is a layman's best option to know about the elluding history of geisha's and their magical world

TIME'S LIST OF 110 MUST READ NOVELS

1. The Adventures of Augie March (1953), by Saul Bellow


2. All the King's Men (1946), by Robert Penn Warren

3. American Pastoral (1997), by Philip Roth

4. An American Tragedy (1925), by Theodore Dreiser

5. Animal Farm (1946), by George Orwell

6. Appointment in Samarra (1934), by John O'Hara

7. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (1970), by Judy Blume

8. The Assistant (1957), by Bernard Malamud

9. At Swim-Two-Birds (1938), by Flann O'Brien

10. Atonement (2002), by Ian McEwan

11. Beloved (1987), by Toni Morrison

12. The Berlin Stories (1946), by Christopher Isherwood

13. The Big Sleep (1939), by Raymond Chandler

14. The Blind Assassin (2000), by Margaret Atwood

15. Blood Meridian (1986), by Cormac McCarthy

16. Brideshead Revisited (1946), by Evelyn Waugh

17. The Bridge of San Luis Rey (1927), by Thornton WilderC - D

18. Call It Sleep (1935), by Henry Roth

19. Catch-22 (1961), by Joseph Heller

20. The Catcher in the Rye (1951), by J.D. Salinger

21. A Clockwork Orange (1963), by Anthony Burgess

22. The Confessions of Nat Turner (1967), by William Styron

23. The Corrections (2001), by Jonathan Franzen

24. The Crying of Lot 49 (1966), by Thomas Pynchon

25. A Dance to the Music of Time (1951), by Anthony Powell

26. The Day of the Locust (1939), by Nathanael West

27. Death Comes for the Archbishop (1927), by Willa Cather

28. A Death in the Family (1958), by James Agee

29. The Death of the Heart (1958), by Elizabeth Bowen

30. Deliverance (1970), by James Dickey

31. Dog Soldiers (1974), by Robert StoneF - G

32. Falconer (1977), by John Cheever

33. The French Lieutenant's Woman (1969), by John Fowles

34. The Golden Notebook (1962), by Doris Lessing

35. Go Tell it on the Mountain (1953), by James Baldwin

36. Gone With the Wind (1936), by Margaret Mitchell

37. The Grapes of Wrath (1939), by John Steinbeck

38. Gravity's Rainbow (1973), by Thomas Pynchon

39. The Great Gatsby (1925), by F. Scott FitzgeraldH - I

40. A Handful of Dust (1934), by Evelyn Waugh

41. The Heart is A Lonely Hunter (1940), by Carson McCullers

42. The Heart of the Matter (1948), by Graham Greene

43. Herzog (1964), by Saul Bellow

44. Housekeeping (1981), by Marilynne Robinson

45. A House for Mr. Biswas (1962), by V.S. Naipaul

46. I, Claudius (1934), by Robert Graves

47. Infinite Jest (1996), by David Foster Wallace

48. Invisible Man (1952), by Ralph EllisonL - N

49. Light in August (1932), by William Faulkner

50. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (1950), by C.S. Lewis

51. Lolita (1955), by Vladimir Nabokov

52. Lord of the Flies (1955), by William Golding

53. The Lord of the Rings (1954), by J.R.R. Tolkien

54. Loving (1945), by Henry Green

55. Lucky Jim (1954), by Kingsley Amis

56. The Man Who Loved Children (1940), by Christina Stead

57. Midnight's Children (1981), by Salman Rushdie

58. Money (1984), by Martin Amis

59. The Moviegoer (1961), by Walker Percy

60. Mrs. Dalloway (1925), by Virginia Woolf

61. Naked Lunch (1959), by William Burroughs

62. Native Son (1940), by Richard Wright

63. Neuromancer (1984), by William Gibson

64. Never Let Me Go (2005), by Kazuo Ishiguro

65. 1984 (1948), by George OrwellO - R

66. On the Road (1957), by Jack Kerouac

67. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1962), by Ken Kesey

68. The Painted Bird (1965), by Jerzy Kosinski

69. Pale Fire (1962), by Vladimir Nabokov

70. A Passage to India (1924), by E.M. Forster

71. Play It As It Lays (1970), by Joan Didion

72. Portnoy's Complaint (1969), by Philip Roth

73. Possession (1990), by A.S. Byatt

74. The Power and the Glory (1939), by Graham Greene

75. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1961), by Muriel Spark

76. Rabbit, Run (1960), by John Updike

77. Ragtime (1975), by E.L. Doctorow

78. The Recognitions (1955), by William Gaddis

79. Red Harvest (1929), by Dashiell Hammett

80. Revolutionary Road (1961), by Richard YatesS - T

81. The Sheltering Sky (1949), by Paul Bowles

82. Slaughterhouse Five (1969), by Kurt Vonnegut

83. Snow Crash (1992), by Neal Stephenson

84. The Sot-Weed Factor (1960), by John Barth

85. The Sound and the Fury (1929), by William Faulkner

86. The Sportswriter (1986), by Richard Ford

87. The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (1964), by John le Carre

88. The Sun Also Rises (1926), by Ernest Hemingway

89. Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937), by Zora Neale Hurston

90. Things Fall Apart (1959), by Chinua Achebe

91. To Kill a Mockingbird (1960), by Harper Lee

92. To the Lighthouse (1927), by Virginia Woolf

93. Tropic of Cancer (1934), by Henry MillerU - W

94. Ubik (1969), by Philip K. Dick

95. Under the Net (1954), by Iris Murdoch

96. Under the Volcano (1947), by Malcolm Lowry

97. Watchmen (1986), by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons

98. White Noise (1985), by Don DeLillo

99. White Teeth (2000), by Zadie Smith

100. Wide Sargasso Sea (1966), by Jean RhysAll-TIME Graphic Novels

101. Berlin: City of Stones (2000), by Jason Lutes

102. Blankets (2003), by Craig Thompson

103. Bone (2004), by Jeff Smith

104. The Boulevard of Broken Dreams (2002), by Kim Deitch

105. The Dark Knight Returns (1986), by Frank Miller

106. David Boring (2000), by Daniel Clowes

107. Ed the Happy Clown (1989), by Chester Brown

108. Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth (2000), by Chris Ware

109. Palomar: The Heartbreak Soup Stories (2003), by Gilbert Hernandez

110. Watchmen (1986), by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons

 
 
P.S. IM AN ENGLISH STUDENT - AND IV READ LIKE THREE OF THESE
 
*dies*

Monday, July 5, 2010

love and all things like that ......

it is easier than you think to say goodbye . heartbreaks dont hurt as much as you'd like to think they do . love happens more than once . you learn to live happily afterall . so dont lose sleep over things that dont happen or wont happen. there will always be sumthing else happening. just dont set your heart on nything too much . there are chances it might break and never heal to the original thing again


 
passion and love are good things to know . like weed , alcohol and cigarettes they become addictive - but you die young , and you die broken - so look for the good things in life - but trust the bad things- the boring ones - the sad ones - theones taht keep u awake and dont put u to sleep  - for bad luck and bad fortune are solider companions than love , good luck and good fortune can ever be. when you feel very sad - ... tell yourself it is not love making its sex - tell yourself its not wine but beer - tell me its not the scorpians but nirvana - then go to sleep - watch some t.v and you will do just fine
 
just dont listen to A BEAUTIFUL MIND'S SYMPHONY after that - you might cry :(
 
and i no my hearts never come out right , and i know i am never too sure , and i knw im prissy , and i know i tear down everythign you say - still it doesnt mean , that i love you any less .......
 
and i knw i say that the heart may not be one piece nymore , but it can be bandaged and it will feel just right again soon ....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

ANGELS & DEMONS ....

now  nyone would say , i keep deviating from the book i start - i found THE TIN DRUM a terribily slow read - even though  its style is captivating and unique . i finally read ANGELS & DEMONS  , by one of my favourite authors (living) Dan Brown.

 I have now been able to form a tab on dan brow - a secret brotherhood , lots of renaissance art , a harvard professor , a non-americano beautiful lady ,  a conspiracy , murders , time hold . ofcourse, his books contain a plethora of information , it is always exciting to read  brown - but this time , evne though , angels and demons is one of his most famous books - i was able to predict the events happening next , - the camerlengo had to be evil .

 i suspect it would have been a  much better read - had i really had all the knowledge of the catholic church , or the painters or was atleast living in rome ...... its definitely informative - dan brown is an itriguing read ..but , i am slightly disappointed after THE DA VINCI CODE -----


still
 one SHOULD read this book.

p.s. wats with the brotherhoods? and the church ? and ofcourse - the "assasins ?" - the albino monk ? now the arab hassasin ???
im probably getting too  old for these books now - i need to read more about life and its experiences and save myself from  murder mysteries ...

p.p.s.  i like the word plays ....

Monday, June 7, 2010

..mushy much ?

ill tell u an inside verdict . ur my favorite - out of all the men iv been interested in and who have been interested in me so there
-- and do you wanna know why ?
him : why ?
me : bcoz ur the only one who cares enough to stick around  even iv given up on myslef . coz ur the only one who ever gives me flowers on valentines day , even though im not the type of girl who likes flowers .coz ur the only guy , i keep going back to - even when i knw id run in five minutes , and still ur there .coz i know you love me like hell - its one of the very few things i know about my life . coz your the only guy i feel so sure of that i would do almost anything you'd ask me to do. coz youre the only guy whom i make fun of mercilessly still jump to defend when nyone tries to say nything bout u . coz ur the onyl guy who writes the right things , even if sumtimes u cant say them .coz ur the only guy - i think , (RIGHT NOW AND QUITE FOR SOME TIME) that i can actually even think about getting serious .
so yeah
thats like one iota of the whys - why you are wat you are to me

Sunday, June 6, 2010

THE TIN DRUM

I HAVE PUT VIRGINIA WOOLF ON HOLD- FOR I CAME ACROSS A VERY INTERESTING SOUNDING BOOK - THIS IS BY THE NOBEL PRIZE WINNING GERMAN AUTHOR - GUNTER GRASS.

HERE IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE VERY FIRST PAGE OF THE NOVEL ---:
Once a week a visiting day breaks in on the stillness that I plait between the white metal bars. This is the

time for the people who want to save me, whom it amuses to love me, who try to esteem and respect
themselves, to get to know themselves, through me. How blind, how nervous and ill-bred they are! They scratch the white enamel of my bedstead with their fingernail scissors, they scribble obscene little men on it with their ballpoint pens and blue pencils. No sooner has my lawyer blasted the room with his hello than he slaps his nylon hat down over the lower left-hand bedpost -- an act of violence that shatters my peace of mind for the duration of his visit, and lawyers find a good deal to talk about.


a novel can't have a hero any more because there are no more individualists, because individuality is a thing of the past, because man -- each man and all men together -- is alone in his loneliness and no one is entitled to individual loneliness, and all men lumped together make up a "lonely mass" without names and without heroes.
I AM AMAZED BY THIS AUTHOR'S STYLE ...  I PROMISE TO FINISH THIS BOOK AND REVIEW IT ......

TILL THEN

HAPPY READING :)

GRISHAM v/s ARCHER

AMERICAN AUTHOR V/S ENGLISH AUTHOR (BOTH WRITING MAJORLY ABOUT THINGS THEY THEMSELVES EXPERIENCED – GRISHAM ABOUT LAW AND ARCHER ABOUT PRISONERS AND PRISONS .) NOW I AM NO AUTHORITY ON EITHER, I HAVE READ A BOOK (EACH) BY BOTH THE ILLUSTROUS AUTHORS. TO BE HONEST , THE ONLY MURDER MYSTERIES I EVER REALLY LIKED WERE “THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO” AND OFCOURSE , “KIDNAPPED” – I READ MY FAIR SHARE OF NOVELS WITH MEN GETTING SHIPWRECKED , LAWYERS FIGHTING GLORIOUS CASES AND WINNING IMPOSSIBLE MYSTERIES . BOTH THE AUTHORS I DISCUSS TODAY ARE WIDELY READ (ESPECIALLY BY A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO DO NO PREFER TO CALL THEMSELVES ARDENT READERS) I JUST GAVE THEM A TRY SO THAT I MAY KNOW WHAT ALL THE HYPE WAS ABOUT.

I READ “THE CLIENT” BY JOHN GRISHAM – A LITTLE BOY , WHO IS OBVIOUSLY EXTRAORDINARY , STOPS A HALF CRAZED MAN FROM COMMITING SUICIDE (THROUGH VARIOUS THINGS HE HAS LEARNT WATCHING CSI ON TELEVISION) , HIS LITTLE BROTHER IS TRAUMATIZED AFTER THE INCIDENT. THE STORY GOES ON WHERE HE ENDS UP KNOWING THE WHEREABOUT OF A SENATOR’S DEAD BODY , GETTING INVOLVED WITH SICK , TWISTED AND CALLOUS POLICEMEN AND THE MAFIA. HE FINDS HIMSELF – A GODMOTHER OF A LAWYER , WITH A TRADITIONAL STEREOTYPICAL FIGURE OF “MAMMA LOVE” FEEDING THE DOWNTRODDEN – HELPING HER WRONGED DAUGHTER ROUGH IT TO THE WRONGDOERS ……A SERIES OF CLICHES – A VERY VERY ASSUMABLE PLOT – I COULD SMELL THE TWISTS AND TURNS. I REMAIN – SADLY VERY UNIMPRESSED. HE IS A LAWYER WRITING ABOUT LAW – WEAVING IN THE DRAMA , THE GOOD LAWYERS , THE BAD COPS , THE TROUBLED SINGLE MOTHER, THE BRAVE CHILD AND OFCOURSE WITH THE MAFIA – THE SERIES OF CLICHES IS PERFECTLY COMPLETED. I AM FORCED TOASK - WHAT IS ALL THE HUE AND CRY ABOUT ? BUT THEN MAYBE IM TOO HARSH TO JUDGE HIM AFTER READING ONE NOVEL. THE CHILD’S CUNNING IS OBVIOUSLY A POINT TO BE MARVELLED UPON.

COMING TO ARCHER – A QUIRKY AUTHOR. I MUST SAY, I THINK HIS INTERVIEWS ARE MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN HIS BOOKS. THIS IS THE SAME PERSON WHO CLAIMED THAT DAN BROWN HAD NO RIGHT TO BE A BESTSELLER AND GAVE JUDGEMENT THAT THE READING HABBITS OF THE WORLD HAD GONE TO THE DOGS . SADLY (AGAIN IM JUDGING HIM FROM ONE BOOK – “THE PRISONER OF BIRTH ”) HE CANNOT HOLD A CANDLE TO BROWN (WHOSE EXTENSICE RESEARCH AND AMAZING DEXTRITY WITH PLOT ONE HAS TO ACCEPT). IN MY OPINION, A MUCH OBVIOUSLY BETTER WRITER THAN GRISHAM. I KNEW THAT DANNY WOULD ESCAPE FROM THE PRISON A NICK , I KNEW THAT IN THE END HE WILL MANAGE TO BE FREE , I COULD PREDICT EVERY TWIST OF THE BOOK – AND ONE WILL AGREE THAT IN A THRILLE THAT IS NOT A GOOD TRAIT. HIS WOMEN ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL – HIS HEROES ALL EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT – AND OFCOURSE , THE WRONGDOERS VERY GULLIBLE. STILL , THE COURT SCENES , SPECIALLY THE DIFFERENCE IN THE CHARACTERISATION OF THE MANY BARRISTERS , JUDGES AND JUNIORS IS COMMENDABLE. HE KEEPS ALLUDING TO THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO – SO MAYBE , I AM COMPARING BOTH THE BOOKS AND I FOUND ARCHER TO LACK JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NOVELTY. STILL , HE HAS WHAT IT TAKES TO HOLD A READER , HE HAS WHAT WILL MAKE YOU KEEP ON READING TILL THE LAST PAGE. THE DRUG PEDDLING IN PRISONS IS VERY INSIGHTFUL . ARCHER IS DEFINITELY ONE UP WHEN COMPARED TO GRISHAM – BUT THEN, WITH HIS RECORD FOR CONTROVERSIES ONE DOESN’T REALLY EXPECT ANY LESS.

THOUGH , I STAND NOT VERY CONVINCED WITH BOTH AUTHORS , I STILL WANT TO READ MORE BOOKS BY THEM (SPECIALLY ARCHER) TO BE ABLE TO REALLY HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THEM.  ONE THING IS CLEAR – THEY HAVE ALL THE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE WHAT IS  CALLED A BESTSELLER.  OFCOURSE THEY HAVE MORE TALENT THAN HIM , BUT I MIGHT JUST LIABLE BOTH AS ENHANCED CHETAN BHAGATS – CATERING TO THE EXACT NEEDS OF THE GLOBAL AUDIENCE.

Friday, June 4, 2010

READING MRS DALLOWAY ...

I LOVE VIRGINIA WOOLF - ALTHOUGH ALL IV EVER READ OF HER , IS THIS 10 PAGE EXCERPT FROM  ONE OF HER ESSAYS --- IM READING MRS DALLOWAY , AND ONCE IM FINISHED , ILL BE HAPPY TO DO A REVIEW ...

HER EIS SOMETHING SHE SAYS BOUT WAR :_
The War was over, except for some one like Mrs. Foxcroft


at the Embassy last night eating her heart out because that nice boy was killed and now

the old Manor House must go to a cousin; or Lady Bexborough who opened a bazaar,

they said, with the telegram in her hand, John, her favourite, killed.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

LIST COMPLETED

I FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF - FINALLY I FINISHED SOMETHING I STARTED :)) -- YES IM DONE WITH TEH 100 MOST GORGEOUS MEN ON THE PLANET LIST  :))

BUT , WHAT TO DO NOW ??
MUST FIGURE OUT !!

TILL THEN - ADIOS

P.S. A CALAMITY - MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT JUST WONT OPEN !!!!

THE STUDS AND THE ARTISTS

THE LAST ROUND - BUT THESE MEN ARE SOME OF THE BEST OF THE LOT !

91.) ELVIS PRESTLEY : THE ONLY REASON HE IS MENTIONED AT 91 IS AS– HE IS A SUPER DUPER STUD !


92.) CHRIS EVANS : NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE GUY – THE HUMAN TORCH – IS GOOD LOOKING , YOU GOTTA AGREE !

93.) ORLANDO BLOOM : IS CUT E- WOULDN’T SAY HE HE’S HOT THOUGH :p

94.) ENRIQUE IGLESIAS: FIRSTS – WITHOUT THE MOLE !! SLOPPY KISSER , BAD SINGER OR NO – THE DUDE IS KIND LATINO HOT !

95.) JONATHAN RHYS MEYER : FIRST THE ACCENT – THEN THE EYES – THEN THE OH SO SHARP NOSE - A VISION !

96.) AL PACINO : HE IS HOT!! PERIOD .

97.) HUGH GRANT : I KNOW EVERYONE BELIEVES THIS ONE !

98.) DAVID BECKHAM : OH YEAH BABY, DO BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM …….

99.) JAKE GYLLANHEAL : REMEMBER THE OTHER RANGER IN BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN ? YES THIS IS HIM – AND HE IS HOT !

100.) BEN MCKENZIE : THE OC DUDE – I THINK HE IS HOT !

THE STRONG MEN

THE ONES WHO YOU KNOW CAN SWEEP U OFF UR FEET


81.) CHRISTIANO RONALDO : WOW ! IM NOT A FOOTBAL FAN - BUT I WISH I WAS !

82.) JEREMY BLOOM : THIS IS ONE REALLY HOT SWIMMER

83.) VIN DEISEL : INCREDIBLE SEXINESS !!

84.) SYLVESTOR STALLONE : I WISH HE’D QUIT THOSE RICKY MOVIES NOW – HE IS SPOILING HIS HOTNESS BY ALL THE WRINKLES !

85.) DANIAL CRAIG : WHY CANT ALL ACTUAL BAD MEN BE SO SUPER GOOD LOOKING ?

86.) VINOD KHANNA : DAKU DADDY !!! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME

87.) DHARMENDRA : AGAIN – CHECK OUT THE BALCK AND WHITE MOVIES AND THEN YOU;LL SEE . I HAVE NO CLUE HOW ALL HIS KIDS ARE SO BAD LOOKING

88.) SALMAN KHAN : LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM – YOU CANNOT IGNORE THE FACT THAT HE IS EASY ON THOSE EYES !

89.) CHRISTIAN BALE : BATMAN – DO RETURN !

90.) MATTHEW MCCAUNGHEY : I HOPE I GOT THE SURFER’S LAST NAME RIGHT – DOTN KNOW BOUT HIM AS AN ACTOR BUT HE SURE IS GOOD LOOKING


THE SENSITIVE BROODING KINDS


71.) COLIN FIRTH : THE TYPICAL BRIT ACCENT SULLEN BROODING ENGLISH MAN – SO ADORABLE WITH HIS SIDEBURNS !


72.) R MADHAVAN : WATCH SEA HAWKS ! YOU’LL REALISE WHAT IM TALKIN BOUT !

73.) FARHAAN AKHTAR : IS IT JUST ME , OR OTHERS AGREE THAT THERE IS SOMETHING VERY HOT ABOUT THIS MAN ?

74.) RICHARD ARMITAGE : HOT – ANGRY HOT ! RAW , RUGGED HOT ! AND ALL THAT WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO PORTRAY AN ENGLISH MAN ! DUDE YOU’RE AWESOME!

75.) RAJEEV KHANDELWAD : CAPTAIN RAJVEER ?? OR VARUN AWSTHI ? OR SUJAL ?? OR EVEN AAMIR ?? HE IS HOT .PERIOD

76.) MUZAMIL IBRAHIM : THERE WAS ONCE A REMIX CALLED PARDESIA – AND BAM THERE WAS THIS VISION OF EARTHLY BEAUTY !

77.) JARED LETO : WATCH A REQUIM FOR A DREAM – NOBODY LOOKED BETTER WITH AN AMPUTATED ARM !

78.) MILO VENTIMIGLIA : SEEN HEROES ? NEITHER HAVE I – CHECK OUT THE TRAILERS ! THOSE ARE ENOUGH !

79.) JOSHUA JACKSON : I THINK ITS PACEY THAT IM REALLY IN LOVE WITH HERE….

80.) KEANU REEVES : SWEET NOVEMBER ? MATRIX ? CONSTANTINE? YOU DON’T GET NY BETTER !