Thursday, September 30, 2010

DEATH , DESTRUCTION AND VIOLENCE .

DID I EVER TALK ABOUT THE GIRL WHO DIED A MONTH AND A HALF BACK ?? A GIRL , WHOM I KNEW AS A LIVING CREATIVE FORCE A WEEK BACK , DIED . THAT WAS IT . END OF A LIFE - I DID NOT KNOW HER VERY WELL - STILL HER DEATH LEFT ME SHOCKED FOR DAYS . I READ HER BLOG AND WORSE HER MOTHER'S BLOG A COUPLE OF DAYS BACK - AND I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE OVERWHELMING SENSE OF SORROW THAT FILLS ME -- EVERYTIME , I SEE HER PICTURE POSTED ON SOME BULLETIN BOARD IN COLLEGE - I REMEMBER ALL THE TIME I HAD SPENT WITH HER , DISMISSING HER AS YET ANOTHER PERSON I KNEW - NOT ANYMORE NOW .



THE FINALITY OF MY EXPERIECE WITH ME , SENDS CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE. I KEEP THINKING , HOW WE ALL COULD JUST DROP DEAD AT ANY POINT OF TIME , AT ANY WHIMSICAL GESTURE OF WHOEVER IT IS THAT DECIDES WETHER WE LIVE OR DIE. THE UNBEARABLE SORROW THAT ONE LEAVES BEHIND AFTER ONES DEATH IS SOMETHING THAT SEEMS TORTOROUS FOR EVEN A WHIMSICAL AND DIDACTIC GOD - IT IS NERVE WRAUGHTING PAIN , SOMETHING THAT CAN PUT AN END TO LIFE AS YOU HAD KNOWN IT .



I WONDER , WHO WILL CRY THE MOST IF GOD FORBID, I WAS TO DROP DEAD TOMORROW ? WILL I BE MISSED ? WILL MY MOTHER EVER BE ABLE TO PULL HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER . MY MOTHER - SHE IS THE ONE I THINK OF WITH IMMENSE PAIN WHEN I THINK OF MY DEATH - I WANT TO PROTECT HER FROM THE PAIN OF MY UNTIMELY DEATH JUST AS I PRAY LIKE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE TO BE PROTECTED FROM THE NEWS OF UNTIMELY DEATHS OF MY LOVED ONES . ALL WE CAN HOPE IS , THAT WE ESCAPE PUNISHMENT IN THIS CRUEL GAME OF LIFE AND DEATH .



HOWEVER , AS LIFE HAS BEEN GOING FOR ME FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS , THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO SOME PEOPLE - IF I WERE TO DIE , I WOULD LIKE THEM TO KNOW I FELT -:



1.) I LOVE U MUMMA - THERE IS NOBODY I LOVE HALF AS MUCH I LOVE AS I LOVE YOU. INFACT , IM EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE THAT IS THE EXTENT TO WHICH I LOVE YOU. YOU HAVE MANY A DREAMS FOR ME , AND I DONT KNOW IF I CAN FULFILL THEM , BUT I SURE AS HELL TRY - SOMETIMES :p . IF GOD FORBID , I WERE TO DIE - PROMISE ME , YOU WILL TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF , AND PAPA . ITS ESSENTIAL THAT YOU BOTH STAY HEALTHY - IF NYTHIGN WAS TO HAPPEN TO YOU (GOD FORBID) I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT , EVEN IN MY DEATH.



2.) PAPA - HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF THE PERSON YOU ARE ? HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU , HOW I RELATE YOUR STORIES WITH ALMOST A GLOATING PRIDE ?? HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU , THAT YOU ARE THE MOST CONSIDERATE HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET ? HAVE I TOLD YOU , THAT WHEN IM VERY SURE THAT ILL FAIL SOME THING - YOU ARE THE ONE IM MOST SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ? HAVE I TOLD YOU , THAT WHEN THINGS GO DOWN , I ALWAYS TALK BOUT WHAT ALL YOUVE DONE FOR ME AND HOW PROUD I AM TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER ?? IF I HAVNT , THEN I WILL TELL YOU VERY SOON. I ADMIRE YOUR INTELLECT , YOUR PASSION FOR THINGS AND ABOVE ALL YOUR OPTIMISM FOR LIFE. I WISH , I AM ABLE TO BE HALF THE THINGS YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE - I LOVE U PAPA A LOT !!!



3.) DIDI , EVER SINCE WE WERE KIDS , YOU WERE MY FAVOURITE BARBIE - SOMEONE I ALWAYS SHOWED OFF - SO PROUD I AM OF YOU !! OF MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER , WHO HAS TAKEN US THROUGH THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES IN LIFE WITH THE STRENGTH OF A SUPERWOMAN . I HOPE GOD GIVES YOU ALL THAT YOU DESIRE AND MORE. I HOPE , ABOVE ALL HE GIVES YOU HAPPINESS - SO MUCH SO THAT YOU MAKE ANYONE YOU MEET HAPPY - THERE IS ONE THING I WANT FROM YOU - TO TAKE VERY VERY GOOD CARE OF MUMMY AND PAPA - ALWAYS. SPECIALLY PAPA , BECAUSE HE WILL NEVER ACCEPT IT , BUT HE LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY - HE LOVESYOU MORE THAN TWO OF ME PUT TOGETHER.



4.) ARUSHI , ISHA , GARIMA , MARIYAM AND UDITA : I LOVE YOU GIRLS !!! AND IF I WAS TO DIE , IM SURE ID GET A GOOD DOSE OF GRIEF FROM YOU GUYS - ARUSHI , YOU HAVE TO START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF MORE , AND NOT LET OTHERS SHIT GET YOU DOWN , YOU'RE AWESOME , EVEN THOUGH U HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF A 2 YEAR OLD , STILL , IM GLAD THAT U DECIDED TO LEAVE GAUTI ST MARY' AND LORETO WAS KIND ENOUGH TO TAKE YOU ON AS A CHARITY CASE :p - MAY GOD , GIVE YOU GOOD SENSE AND MAY YOU ACTUALLY FIND A GUY WHO CAN LIVE WITH YOU , JUST THE WAY YOU ARE .

ISHA - IM SO WORRIED BOUT YOU !!! YOU MUST NEVER EVER LET YOUR OWN INSECURITIES AFFECT YOUR DREAMS ISHA - I AM SURE , ONE DAY YOU WILL BE DIGGING UP PHAROAHS , SOMEHOW. YOU ARE THE MOST TALENTED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET - AND ILL BE DAMNED IF I LET YOUR INSECURITIES GET IN THE WAY OF YOU ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL .YOURE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON ISHA , BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU . :))

GARIMA :ONCE IM THERE ,ILL PRAY TO GOD THAT HE TURNS HIS EYE TOWARDS YOU - EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT BELIEVE IN GOD NYMORE ,I BELIVE IN MIRACLES , AND I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES - AND I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IN THEM TOO , FOR MY SAKE !

MARIYAM : DONT HAVE SEX IN PLACES WHERE IT IS CONSIDERED SACRILIGEOUS !!! AND EVEN WHEN IM DEAD , FEED SOME NICE FAT BRAHMIN GIRL SEWAIYAN THINKING OF ME.

UDITA : FIRST - TAKE VERY VERY GOOD CARE OF AUNTY !!! AND THEN , ALWAYS ENCOURAGE ANANT TO BE THE ULTIMATE DUDE !! ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE SOME NICE MEN VERY HAPPY. AND MORE OVER , PLEASE CHOOSE UR JOURNALISM LINE VERY CAREFULLY , TAKE CARE THAT YOU ARE NOT ABUSED OR NYTHING. INFACT , YOU CAN TEACH JOURNALISM TOO , YOU KNOW , ITS JUST AS GOOD. MAKE SURE THAT RITU MARRIES A NICE RICH GUY WHO CAN ENABLE HER TO BUY M BLOCK !! AND OFCOURSE WITH HER STUPENDOUS SALARY SHED BUY LOS ANGELES :))

TELL FURRU , TO STOP CALLING ME FAT ONCE IM DEAD ~~~ AND OFCOURSE , TO COME AND WHISPER ALL HER SECRETS TO ME , FOR NEVER TELLING ME ONE IMPORTANT ONE!!



5.) SIDDHANT : DO NOT DATE POULOMI !!! ID HAUNT YOUR PENIS , IF YOU DO THAT !!

MAKE YOUR MOTHER VERY HAPPY , AND TELL HER ABOUT ME (FINALLY !!) - AND FIND SOMEONE AS AMAZING AS ME TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ALWAYS - FOR THAT WILL BE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME , TO KNOW THAT YOUR HAPPY. AND NEVER EVER DOUBT THAT I LOVED YOU !!



6.) SAUMYA AND KSHITIJ : DO NOT CRIB ABOUT THE ORDER OK ?? ITS JUST HOW THE STAGES WHEN I BECAME FRIENDS PEOPLE !! SAUMYA , DONT CRY TOO MUCH , AND DONT USE MY DEATH AS A SORROWFUL EXCUSE , TO NEVER TALK PROPERLY TO ANYONE ELSE OK ?? AND , ON MY BIRTHDAY - AS A HABIT , BE GOOD TO PEOPLE , NO MEAN NESS.

BECOME A DANCER AND DANCE AROUND THE WORLD , AND SPREAD THAT INFECTIOUS JOY YOU PERSONIFY WHEN YOU DANCE !!

CHINU : ACCEPT IT THAT I WAS LIKE A SISTER TO YOU . ONE DAY EVERY MONTH , JUST AS A HABIT , TRY SPENDING LESS TIME WITH YT OK ?? AND UR MY BEST GUY FREND !! - FOR YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS ME !! BUT THEN , SAUMYA , ISNT YOUR MANHOOD CONTESTED ??



7.) ROHIT , PRANJAL : DEAR ROHIT - PLEASE CRY , PROPERLY WHEN I DIE - I WOULD WANT THAT . YOU WERE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS , AND SOMEHOW TIME HAS REALLY MADE US STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER -- AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BITCH ABOUT YOU , AND NO MATTER THE NUMBER OF TIMES I BITCH ABOUT YOU , I WILL ALWAYS CARE AND I ALWAYS WANT YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY - VERY VERY HAPPY . AND IM SORRY, IF IV EVER HURT YOU - AND IM SURE , AFTER IM DEAD , I WONT MIND THE THINGS THAT WERENT RIGHT AND WILL ONLY NEED YOU TO KNOW THE AMOUNT I THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT WERE RIGHT.

PRANJAL : MAKE A TOAST TO ME , IF YOU MARRY DIVYAA - AND NAME ONE OF YOUR AMAZING BUSINESS VENTURES UNDER MY NAME . AND NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR FRIENDS OKAY - NEVER EVER CHANGE !! YOURE AN AMAZING PERSON , THOUGH YOURE VERY JUDGEMENTAL - BUT STILL , WHEN ONE CARES AS MUCH AS YOU DO , I GUESS THAT PERSON IS ENTITLED TO BE A LITTLE JUDGEMENTAL





THERE ARE SOME VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE WHO ALSO MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I CARED FOR THEM - MADDY : DUDE , YOURE THE MOST AWESOME BROTHER NYONE CAN EVER HAVE , AND UR MY FAVOURITE SIBLING !! I HOPE YOU CHANGE THE WORLD , AND STILL BE ABLE TO DISMISS IT AS A WASTE OF TIME !

MAAM SETH : YOURE THE MOST AMAZING TEACHER THERE EVER WAS - INFACT YOURE MORE THAN A TEACHER !! PROMISE ME , YOU'D START A TEACHER'S TRAINING PROGRAM !!! AND PROMISE ME , YOULL TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR HEALTH . I LOVE YOU A LOT MAAM - YOU'RE THE SECOND MOST AMAZING WOMAN IV EVER MET !

DAVID SIR : PLEASE , PROMISE ME , ULL START ACTING UR AGE , AND GET MARRIED !! MOREOVER , NEVER GIVE UP TEACHING ! UR REQUIRED IN THAT VOCATION . THANK YOU SIR , FOR ALL THAT UV DONE FOR ME !

POONAM MAAM : I LOVE YOU MAAM . SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH



ASNAH - I WANT YOU TO BECOME A LITTLE MORE RESPONSIBLE , CMON , YOU CAN DO THAT MUCH FOR ME !

NAAZU : I LOVE YOU GIRL !! GIVE ROCK MUSIC A TRY FOR ME

RAKSHA : MARRY FOR LOVE , AND GIVE UP SMOKING DARLING

TEJASWANI : I LOVE YOU. AND PLEASE GET MARRIED AND HAVE SOME AWESOME CHILDREN WHO WILL HAVE AMAZING STREET THEATRE POTENTIAL.

RAMLA : I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY , JUST THAT , I LOVED YOU A LOT WHILE I LIVED , AND EVEN THOUGH SOMEWHERE THINGS ARE NOT RIGHT , AND MAY NEVER BE QUITE RIGHT AGAIN , WHILE WE WORKED , THOSE WERE AMAZING TIMES!!

SHAIFA : DONT LET YOUR FEAR FOR EXAMS EVER STOP YOU FROM ACHIEVING ALL THE ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE YOU DERSERVE. LOVE YOU SHAAAFAAAAA

DALAI : BE LESS BORING - IM DEAD , YOU CAN KILL BY BOREDOM , UV PROVED A POINT !!



AND THE THOUSAND OTHER PEOPLE WHO MEAN A HELL LOT TO ME , BUT IM NOT SURE, I MEAN SO MUCH TO THEM - THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE.



I LOVE THIS WORLD SO MUCH !! GOD BLESS ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE WITH LONG BLESSED LIVES , AND BLESS ME WITH A LONG LIFE TOO .



I THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME SO MANY PEOPLE WHO I LOVE AND IM SURE , WHO LOVE ME BACK !



"TO LIVE, WOULD BE A GREAT ADVENTURE !"

8 comments:

Keira Chen said...

love it when you write. it's such an emotional post though =( sigh...

you're really a very special girl, who's so strong on the outside yet so soft on the inside...

write more!

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

awwwwww !!! love u keira :))
i need to be very moody or very happy to write -
but i will write , for you make me feel so good about myself :))

Arushi said...

I love this post. and somehow even I think that death would be so much less painful if one were to talk about it openly. Because it's the only thing which is inevitable for every living species on the planet.
But it is the most uncomfortable thing to talk about.
When I talked to Tejaswee for the last time when she was in the hospital, she told me exactly the same thing, to start believing in myself and to that she'll always love me. It gave me a lot to think about after she was gone. And her death is like a constant reminder of the fact that we must respect life and live it to the fullest.
I needed a way to convey my thoughts when I die and I think you've done it really well.
I hope you don't mind if I take a little inspiration. :)

Regards,
Arushi
(who wrote this on Tejaswee's blog: http://blabberblah.wordpress.com/friends-remember/in-our-hearts-forever-arushi/)

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

thank you so much arushi .

i dont mind anything that any thing i can do to help you feel a little better after the enormity of what has just happened in your life .
* hugs *
may god be with you always

Udita said...

the idea that anyyone can die at any point of time and then we always have so much to say to so many people and we're never able to say that, coz we didnt have the time too and we always just delay for later is sensible and good. and probably i'll do something like this soon, but as this was coming from you i didnt feel like reading the whole thing coz its just sad...

P.S.: i love you devka!!

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

i love you too udita -- :)))
and i understand !

Sanjukta said...

This is such a sweet post!...ur blog posts really make me think about some things which I normally just somehow end up ignoring...Love ur writing!!! <*hugs*>

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

@sanjukta : i cannot tell you how good it is to see you again !!! never ever again disappear on me so !

i love you :)) nobody makes me feel the way about this erratic blog the way you do <3 <3