Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES !!

LIFE IS SHORT AND THERE IS A LOT WORTH LIVING FOR - BUT TO REALLY LIVE THE WAY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNHAPPY ,  PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY DISAPPOINT YOU , PEOPLE WHO JUST DONT TURN OUT RIGHT , THINGS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL , THINGS BURIED DEEP IN THE PAST - SO HERE IT GOES  TO A NEW HAPPIER BEGINNING , I BURN DOWN THIS FOREST, YET AGAIN .....

1.) I AM GIVING YOU UP . I THINK IV GOTTEN MORE INVOLVED THAN I EVEN THOUGHT I WILL - AND LETS FACE IT  IM NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONES EMOTIONAL STABILITY ANYMORE THAN YOU ARE.  I COULD DEAL WITH LIFE WHEN I KNEW  JUST WHAT TO EXPECT AND TRUST ME ALL THIS SIGHING ON THE BALCONY , WAITING FOR U TO SHOW UP , OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP IS NOT ME - AND I WOULDNT WANT TO MORPH INTO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT ME . DONT TELL ME ITS SELFISH -  BECAUSE ITS NOT . SO YES , YOU HAVE EXISTED TILL NOW AS  A FOLDED PAGE IN MY LIFE -  SOMETHING I COULD ALWAYS TURN BACK TO , I UNFURL YOU NOW. MENTALLY  AND EMOTIONALLY.

2.) YOU ARE BARRED FROM MY PSEUDO REALMS OF FRIENDSHIP TOO NOW - YES , YOU DONT LIKE ME AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I DONT LIKE YOU ANYMORE. SO IM GOING TO SAVE MYSELF THE PAIN OF UNNECESARY ANGER AND RESENTMENT WHEN I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CRONIES.  YOU ARE THEREBY BANNED FROM MY LIFE. I WOULD LIKE TO STILL GET BIRTHDAY WISHES FROM YOU , AND ID DO THE SAME TO YOU , BUT THATS THE OUTER LIMIT OF POSSIBILITY WHERE YOU AND I ARE CONCERNED.

3.) I DONT LIKE THIS , AND I DONT LIKE THAT - SO THIS AND THAT , I WILL NOT BEAR WITH. STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT I DO AND WHAT I DONT DO RIGHT . I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT - STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO ME THINGS THAT JUST DONT GO DOWN WELL WITH YOU , IF YOU FEEL IM CRAMPING YOUR STYLE - KINDLY EXTRICATE ME FROM YOUR LIFE , ITS PAINLESS AND ITS SIMPLE AND ID APPRECIATE IT. ALSO YOU CAN SAVE FACE OF NOT BEING DUMPED MERCILESSLY BY ME , BUT DO THE NEEDFUL YOURSELF.

4.) I AM GOING TO TAKE DECISIONS ABOUT MYSELF NOW - AND I REFUSE TO ACCEPT CRUTCHES OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE SOCIAL SPHERE YOU SO WILLINGLY OFFER ME . I AM DONE WITH TRYING TO FIND HAPPINESS  OR BE HAPPY -  I THINK , I NOW UNDERSTAND WHAT RICHARD TAYLOR MEANT WHEN HE SAID THAT HAPPINESS DOES NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL - AND MEANING I SEARCH , TILL I CAN GET OUT OF THINGS THAT JUST DONT MAKE SENSE .

5.) I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE , NOT EVEN MYSELF TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF - I JUST WONT. ALL THAT KEEPS ME SAFE , IS WHATEVER I THINK I AM , AND CAN BE - AND I WILL NOT BE DRIVEN TO INSANITY .

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