i wanted to fly to the moon and tell you i've done that - but then i thought , you'd never believe me - so i started thinking of what i could do to make you believe. i sat down , two little bellowing curls at my temple , a pen in my hand , a half bitten apple and scrunched up my nose , ready and determined to make you believe . maybe , ill tell you bout the things i saw there , which would be so wonderful that you would be taken aback and readily devour anything i said - but then, maybe you'd mentally call me imaginative and blithe my truth by the illusiveness of imagination. and that would taint the beauty of my visit to the moon . so i thought , again and again of the various ways to convince you , to make you feel what i would feel on the moon .
maybe i'd take you with me - then both of us would believe each other . but then , how would we make everyone else believe ? for people must believe - they must believe , for otherwise we live selfishly for our own pleasure (though we might say that beauty is lost on disbelievers and write them off as disbelievers) gloating on the secret knowledge we have , and nobody else seemed to possess - i know you will feel it later that others never believed us , and then you'll blame me , for the stupid journey we made .
no ,that will not do - for stupidity is too much beauty and perfection to be wasted on my little ride to the moon . it will cause destruction of the little peaceful memory i wanted to make for you - it must be beautiful but not too beautiful and being stupid , like iv always told you , is being extraordinary and painfully beautiful .
so i thought , maybe , id go to the moon anyway - and figure out later how i shall convince you about the fact of my visit .
i came back , armed with the perfect knowledge of just how i will convince you that i had visited the moon. but when i told you , you in your random , absolutely breath taking way asked me - "but what did you do all that for ?" - and i was bursting , to tell you my argument , to convince you just as much a person can convince another - but your question left me lost for words - i was aghast , tears welled up in my eyes , this just didnt make sense - "ofcourse , to convince you that i had been there !" , you looked puzzled and taken aback by my very violent reaction - "but this just does'nt make any sense , you must have had a point , going all the way to the moon !" "it wasnt supposed to make sense !! ," i shouted at you ! - "it was supposed to be a beautiful , exquisite , abstract memory - created with the utmost thought by me for you !! and now you've ruined it !" -- you looked at my pityfully , i am sure , somewhere waiting to burst into that amazing musical laughter of yours and drawing me closer to you , then with that gentle motherly way of yours , you asked me - "do you want to recreate it for my anyway ? would you like it for me to be convinced ?? i'll put up a major fight , and let you really get all hot and bothered in convincing me , and i promise i wont get convinced till you've gone through all the little hurdles you pictured in your mind- which were to stand in me believing that you did visit the moon - i promise !" - i was pacified by this seemingly selfless suggestion of my mother- and i went on to make her believe how i had seen the moon , and she , like the true sport she was , continued to be all aghast at the non-senseness of my talk till the very last moment , when she got convinced , believing me , for her belief , she knew , had to be earned by me - she could'nt just give it to me , even though she was my mother and would have wanted to readily believe anything i had accomplished .
p.s. this is a weird post - but somewhere it speaks to me , as the teenage-angsty relationship of a daughter and a mother . i have no clue what induced me to write what i just wrote , i want to believe it makes sense , and its abstract and its beautiful , but if it isnt , im sure , my mother will believe it , if i explain it to her in great detail :)