Wednesday, November 17, 2010



Dear Teacher ,

I have been drawn to you , by my yearning to know – and my basic nature of being a kiss ass. If you are a pleasant person , and genuinely impress upon me that either youre a very good person or a very good teacher , I will want to be a name to you. A name you can connect with a face.

Its so hard sometimes , for me to be okay with the way I am. I was always a slacker – a passionate slacker , but a slacker nevertheless. It pains me that I have not been made in a way that my desire to know is matched with actually knowing things – the child in me wants to say , that my desire if met , would lead to loss of my uninformed but still individual opinion.

You know how I love thinking that the things I think are great – impressible. I live to impress, and be impressed that I have impressed. I am a child at heart – for I will want to BE patted and shown the occasional gold star. It makes me a baby , I daresay , but I like being that baby – atleast , I think I do. Whats the point of not liking something that you are always going to be right ?

I will run to you for confirmation that one day I will be appreciated by others who do not know me like you do. That’s what sometimes I don’t like about college – the ability to not really be able to connect with teachers anymore. I miss sitting with david sir or maam seth and talking my heart out about whatever was bothering me , and they always listened – listened , better than even my head listened. They made me spell out the things I feared the most.

Somewhere , I have been lucky. I am able to like the people who have something to teach me , I don’t judge them too much , and I am always awed by their knowledge. I despise those who are there to teach yet don’t – what is the point of wasting my time then ?

Sometimes, I want to tell you , all the things I want to change , that don’t let me sleep at night . I want to sit down with you , and be reassured that you know I am still there, hidden somewhere in the “teacher’s pet” -

Maybe , it was because I was never really able to open up to my friends who were always needier than I was . I don’t blame them – they didn’t have the faith I had in you , or in my parents.

Sometimes I feel so blessed to have met the people I have, that I think I am the evil eye of my life. My parents 9/10 times had the time to listen to me, if only I would be able to catch them in the right listening mood. My teachers , have always been particularly nice to me – and invoke in me more than respect , they invoke that childish love a kindergarten kid has for his teacher . I am still there, groping to hold someone’s hand , someone , whose fingers reassure me , that I am on the right path.

I have gone astray so many times , it was always a teacher who brought me back. I have given up on myself so many times, It was always a teacher who found me . I love the concept of a teacher – you are so brilliant , so patient and so wonderful .

But today, I want to tell you, how badly I have let you down. How much I have strayed from the path – and how I want to do things I would never want to tell you about. I miss the constant reassuring you knew so well to give . I want to feel like I was brilliant and special as you always made me feel.

It is a test now – a test , to not fail for else I will not only fail you, I will fail myself – I am so scared to move into the realms of my life where teachers will be scarce. I have heard cheesy things like – life is a great teacher – I somehow, always believed more in people – for god ensured I met good people. In fact , the very thought that god is more than a really kind powerful PERSON scares me. Ideas inspire and all , but they remain floating in the air, never giving you that touch of the flesh which I so crave.

I want to let you know, that I will make more mistakes, and I will be more anguished by them. I want you to know that I do not forget you, and everytime I feel like giving up on myself you come to my mind and remind me of all the previous times I had felt like giving up on myself.

One day , I want to sit with you , and feel the way about myself that I know you do. One day, I hope I am able to feel that positive and complete as you always made me feel.

You always brought the stars nearer and lowered the skies within my reach.

I love you , for you , guide me , when even I don’t want to guide myself anymore.

I will be better, I will be stronger, and I will start now.

Thank you, for reminding me , that my fears are unfounded and thank you for giving me the strength to believe in the positivity that is ME.



sidspacewalker said...

This is so great ... I love it ... A student-teacher relationship is one of the most precious ... and its difficult to find...

Arushi said...

I'm copy-pasting this (changing names of course) for teachers' day..
Beautiful post, Devka..
Love and Hugs.. :)