Thursday, November 11, 2010

wanting , having and wanting some more.

DISCLAIMER : THE IDEA , HAS BEEN FLICKED FROM ARUSHI'S BLOG (I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO ADD A LINK - :|) ITS AN AWESOME BLOG AND WHOEVER READS THE CRAP I PUT UP HERE , SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY .

capitals hurt now - i feel their sharp singular same sized pointedness poking me under all that body flab directly , sharply into my ribs -- life changing ? seems like it .

i turned 20 , last week - and despite what i know feels stupid to say right now , i feel old. older than i have felt in a long time - and i feel my body shooting into old-dom with my brain refusing to move - refusing to go back to the interesting past or moving ahead , marshalling the things it thinks it should do right now. it has not been on a high for a long time , it has not stopped ticking , and sometimes i feel it will explode . i think it does not function as well as it used to earlier  - and i want it to function better than it ever did before. my mind , plays tricks on me ...... but i ramble


i had wanted to write a blog post , where i would spell out what i want to be in another 10 years --- but i think , life is so unpredictable , and so convulated - that i would rather for once try and live here in the now - dwell on the things that are not right and refuse to go completely wrong , so that you can give up on them.

i want to be so many things - and yet all i do is negate what i already am - i can see my past and future selfs cringing at what i am doing to my life right now.

am i depressed ?
no i am not

i just give up on myself a bit by bit - everyday

sometimes, i wish i could cure things like  i used to cure obstinate mood swings earlier --- eat a lot of ice cream , talk for hours to someone on the phone, read a good book , drink things that dont really taste good, have a long cry - listen to some angry rock music really loudly


its just that , i think this time  i will have to figure it out - somehow , somewhere , you want to stop running and sort things out ..


today , however is not one of those days
i run - mentally , while physically i condense into a blob.
paradoxes of life.

blaah , blaah, and more blaaah\\\

p.s this is not nymore, inspired from arushi'sblog , i wld still recommend reading hers  tho

6 comments:

lizziee said...

guess the title says it all. i love the title specially. i feel like a blob right now too and have given up on myself entirely. loved reading it btw, you are so good. NEVER SAY THAT YOU WRITE SHIT, OK. you write stuff with a lot of depth and it is always a pleasure to read it cause one can always relate to the things that you write.:)

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

i think the pleasure of this life is how we can all relate to the crap in everyone else's life :))

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

i think the pleasure of this life is how we can all relate to the crap in everyone else's life :))

Arushi said...

First of all.. Thank you SO much! :)
You're always so encouraging, Devika. :)
And a Very very very Happy Birthday (belated). :)
I'll remember it from now on..
And please STOP underestimating yourself. You write REALLY REALLY well. :)
You're just perfect for literature. :)
And the post.. It's Awesome. And it captures all the paradoxes that we face in our life so beautifully. :)
And it doesn't have to be a letter to yourself as such, it's just something that you might read then and recall how your life was these many years ago. You've done it perfectly. You're thirty-year-old self would be impressed, I say. ;)
Love and Hugs.. :)

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

<3 arushi :))

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

<3 arushi :))