DISCLAIMER : THE IDEA , HAS BEEN FLICKED FROM ARUSHI'S BLOG (I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO ADD A LINK - :|) ITS AN AWESOME BLOG AND WHOEVER READS THE CRAP I PUT UP HERE , SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY .
capitals hurt now - i feel their sharp singular same sized pointedness poking me under all that body flab directly , sharply into my ribs -- life changing ? seems like it .
i turned 20 , last week - and despite what i know feels stupid to say right now , i feel old. older than i have felt in a long time - and i feel my body shooting into old-dom with my brain refusing to move - refusing to go back to the interesting past or moving ahead , marshalling the things it thinks it should do right now. it has not been on a high for a long time , it has not stopped ticking , and sometimes i feel it will explode . i think it does not function as well as it used to earlier - and i want it to function better than it ever did before. my mind , plays tricks on me ...... but i ramble
i had wanted to write a blog post , where i would spell out what i want to be in another 10 years --- but i think , life is so unpredictable , and so convulated - that i would rather for once try and live here in the now - dwell on the things that are not right and refuse to go completely wrong , so that you can give up on them.
i want to be so many things - and yet all i do is negate what i already am - i can see my past and future selfs cringing at what i am doing to my life right now.
am i depressed ?
no i am not
i just give up on myself a bit by bit - everyday
sometimes, i wish i could cure things like i used to cure obstinate mood swings earlier --- eat a lot of ice cream , talk for hours to someone on the phone, read a good book , drink things that dont really taste good, have a long cry - listen to some angry rock music really loudly
its just that , i think this time i will have to figure it out - somehow , somewhere , you want to stop running and sort things out ..
today , however is not one of those days
i run - mentally , while physically i condense into a blob.
paradoxes of life.
blaah , blaah, and more blaaah\\\
p.s this is not nymore, inspired from arushi'sblog , i wld still recommend reading hers tho