Monday, December 6, 2010

and it never made sense...

"so how do you expect me , to live alone with just me ?"




i remember reading it on someone's blog - "if i could be anything , i would love to be a brilliant idea " - i was so captivated by the thought , before my mind got occupied with other lesser things.....



so how would it be , if i could actually be one amazing idea ??

wonderful i think

"an idea , can change your life " (98, a a , 431 , 25 ) -- as i mentally hum the idea advertisement jingle , i think about AN IDEA.



it does'nt strike - my mind does not light up , i do not flex my fingers , forcing my face into a jubiliant expression ....... i love to read what other people write on their blogs - if they are very brilliant , i am very awed , but unfortunately due to certain personal drawbacks , i spiral into my idealess existence - how i never come up with anything remotely brilliant , how i am sure , i never inspire any stroke of brilliance.

when it gets too much , and there is quiet all around , i come here and i try to write - about something that would inspire someone , something that is perfect and beautiful ...... i never succeed.

the blog new post page takes years to open , i start getting impatient - i destroy the quiet by plugging my earphones , and open a new word document --- somehow, i dont like writing on the word document , this sanctioned writing space, which has several options to facilitate my writing , takes away from the brilliance , the beauty of writing --- and beauty is what i seek.



aah-- the blogger opened at last - i hastily copy paste what i have written till now , and i dont read through it again , because it never makes the same sense it made two seconds ago.....

i am listening to a stupid song -- i want to remember what prompted me to download it ...i start enjoying its inane poppy beats.... aah , thats why .

what was i talking about ? oh , being an idea - but , ideas never happen to me , ideas never inspire me - apart from those fleeting moments when they blind me.



sometimes , i want to stop thinking about myself , as a person - and think of myself as a self-existing spark of brilliance..... i burn brighter than a firefly - i burn , and i burn brighter, and this burning is the creative fire that purges and excites me....



fire burning .... fire burning..... destroyed the potential of the fire.

no i cannot exist as a burning spark of brilliance - says my head , as it shakes a little to a stupid song - and talks about calling 911.

if only, i could stick to one idea, then i guess i could be inspired.



somehow , even though what i write may never inspire anyone , as others inspire me , it may not be read with the earnest devotion i read brilliance , it may never even be enjoyable -- the process of coming up with it , has made me happier - has made me , ABOVE AVERAGE.

just then , a nice song starts on my phone -- and my mind , feels intellectual at liking the nice song , for it is another one of those things that make it feel brilliant.

idea or not -- stupid lyrics of crooner stuff -- i LIKE MYSELF :))



with this comforting thought , i will press send. even , if everybody else , refuses to like me.

2 comments:

Arushi said...

I like you.. In fact.. I love you.. :)
so you don't need to worry about that.. :P
I wish I was an idea too. I haven't figured out what but a brilliant, yet simple one would be great.. ;)
I love the way you right so poetically, Devika.
Every post of yours is just so beautiful and surreal.. and at the same time, it's so honest and real. :)
Lots of love and big tight hugs Hugs.. :)

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

arushi !! where had u been ?

i love you too :)) thanks a lot for loving me .. because, i really love you :)

you always make me feel so bright, and so brilliant. thank you, for i guess the most beautiful people alone have the ability to do that.

reminds me of a really nice, stupid song , i like\-- "stand up boy, do your trick, turn on the stars...... i shine so bright when you're around ..and who's to say? that we're not good enough."

its a nice song. i am sure you will like it.
who's to say - vanessa someone.

thank you - for reading :)