"so how do you expect me , to live alone with just me ?"
i remember reading it on someone's blog - "if i could be anything , i would love to be a brilliant idea " - i was so captivated by the thought , before my mind got occupied with other lesser things.....
so how would it be , if i could actually be one amazing idea ??
wonderful i think
"an idea , can change your life " (98, a a , 431 , 25 ) -- as i mentally hum the idea advertisement jingle , i think about AN IDEA.
it does'nt strike - my mind does not light up , i do not flex my fingers , forcing my face into a jubiliant expression ....... i love to read what other people write on their blogs - if they are very brilliant , i am very awed , but unfortunately due to certain personal drawbacks , i spiral into my idealess existence - how i never come up with anything remotely brilliant , how i am sure , i never inspire any stroke of brilliance.
when it gets too much , and there is quiet all around , i come here and i try to write - about something that would inspire someone , something that is perfect and beautiful ...... i never succeed.
the blog new post page takes years to open , i start getting impatient - i destroy the quiet by plugging my earphones , and open a new word document --- somehow, i dont like writing on the word document , this sanctioned writing space, which has several options to facilitate my writing , takes away from the brilliance , the beauty of writing --- and beauty is what i seek.
aah-- the blogger opened at last - i hastily copy paste what i have written till now , and i dont read through it again , because it never makes the same sense it made two seconds ago.....
i am listening to a stupid song -- i want to remember what prompted me to download it ...i start enjoying its inane poppy beats.... aah , thats why .
what was i talking about ? oh , being an idea - but , ideas never happen to me , ideas never inspire me - apart from those fleeting moments when they blind me.
sometimes , i want to stop thinking about myself , as a person - and think of myself as a self-existing spark of brilliance..... i burn brighter than a firefly - i burn , and i burn brighter, and this burning is the creative fire that purges and excites me....
fire burning .... fire burning..... destroyed the potential of the fire.
no i cannot exist as a burning spark of brilliance - says my head , as it shakes a little to a stupid song - and talks about calling 911.
if only, i could stick to one idea, then i guess i could be inspired.
somehow , even though what i write may never inspire anyone , as others inspire me , it may not be read with the earnest devotion i read brilliance , it may never even be enjoyable -- the process of coming up with it , has made me happier - has made me , ABOVE AVERAGE.
just then , a nice song starts on my phone -- and my mind , feels intellectual at liking the nice song , for it is another one of those things that make it feel brilliant.
idea or not -- stupid lyrics of crooner stuff -- i LIKE MYSELF :))
with this comforting thought , i will press send. even , if everybody else , refuses to like me.