Thursday, September 30, 2010

DEATH , DESTRUCTION AND VIOLENCE .

DID I EVER TALK ABOUT THE GIRL WHO DIED A MONTH AND A HALF BACK ?? A GIRL , WHOM I KNEW AS A LIVING CREATIVE FORCE A WEEK BACK , DIED . THAT WAS IT . END OF A LIFE - I DID NOT KNOW HER VERY WELL - STILL HER DEATH LEFT ME SHOCKED FOR DAYS . I READ HER BLOG AND WORSE HER MOTHER'S BLOG A COUPLE OF DAYS BACK - AND I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE OVERWHELMING SENSE OF SORROW THAT FILLS ME -- EVERYTIME , I SEE HER PICTURE POSTED ON SOME BULLETIN BOARD IN COLLEGE - I REMEMBER ALL THE TIME I HAD SPENT WITH HER , DISMISSING HER AS YET ANOTHER PERSON I KNEW - NOT ANYMORE NOW .



THE FINALITY OF MY EXPERIECE WITH ME , SENDS CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE. I KEEP THINKING , HOW WE ALL COULD JUST DROP DEAD AT ANY POINT OF TIME , AT ANY WHIMSICAL GESTURE OF WHOEVER IT IS THAT DECIDES WETHER WE LIVE OR DIE. THE UNBEARABLE SORROW THAT ONE LEAVES BEHIND AFTER ONES DEATH IS SOMETHING THAT SEEMS TORTOROUS FOR EVEN A WHIMSICAL AND DIDACTIC GOD - IT IS NERVE WRAUGHTING PAIN , SOMETHING THAT CAN PUT AN END TO LIFE AS YOU HAD KNOWN IT .



I WONDER , WHO WILL CRY THE MOST IF GOD FORBID, I WAS TO DROP DEAD TOMORROW ? WILL I BE MISSED ? WILL MY MOTHER EVER BE ABLE TO PULL HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER . MY MOTHER - SHE IS THE ONE I THINK OF WITH IMMENSE PAIN WHEN I THINK OF MY DEATH - I WANT TO PROTECT HER FROM THE PAIN OF MY UNTIMELY DEATH JUST AS I PRAY LIKE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE TO BE PROTECTED FROM THE NEWS OF UNTIMELY DEATHS OF MY LOVED ONES . ALL WE CAN HOPE IS , THAT WE ESCAPE PUNISHMENT IN THIS CRUEL GAME OF LIFE AND DEATH .



HOWEVER , AS LIFE HAS BEEN GOING FOR ME FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS , THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO SOME PEOPLE - IF I WERE TO DIE , I WOULD LIKE THEM TO KNOW I FELT -:



1.) I LOVE U MUMMA - THERE IS NOBODY I LOVE HALF AS MUCH I LOVE AS I LOVE YOU. INFACT , IM EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE THAT IS THE EXTENT TO WHICH I LOVE YOU. YOU HAVE MANY A DREAMS FOR ME , AND I DONT KNOW IF I CAN FULFILL THEM , BUT I SURE AS HELL TRY - SOMETIMES :p . IF GOD FORBID , I WERE TO DIE - PROMISE ME , YOU WILL TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF , AND PAPA . ITS ESSENTIAL THAT YOU BOTH STAY HEALTHY - IF NYTHIGN WAS TO HAPPEN TO YOU (GOD FORBID) I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT , EVEN IN MY DEATH.



2.) PAPA - HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW PROUD I AM OF THE PERSON YOU ARE ? HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU , HOW I RELATE YOUR STORIES WITH ALMOST A GLOATING PRIDE ?? HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU , THAT YOU ARE THE MOST CONSIDERATE HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET ? HAVE I TOLD YOU , THAT WHEN IM VERY SURE THAT ILL FAIL SOME THING - YOU ARE THE ONE IM MOST SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ? HAVE I TOLD YOU , THAT WHEN THINGS GO DOWN , I ALWAYS TALK BOUT WHAT ALL YOUVE DONE FOR ME AND HOW PROUD I AM TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER ?? IF I HAVNT , THEN I WILL TELL YOU VERY SOON. I ADMIRE YOUR INTELLECT , YOUR PASSION FOR THINGS AND ABOVE ALL YOUR OPTIMISM FOR LIFE. I WISH , I AM ABLE TO BE HALF THE THINGS YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE - I LOVE U PAPA A LOT !!!



3.) DIDI , EVER SINCE WE WERE KIDS , YOU WERE MY FAVOURITE BARBIE - SOMEONE I ALWAYS SHOWED OFF - SO PROUD I AM OF YOU !! OF MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER , WHO HAS TAKEN US THROUGH THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES IN LIFE WITH THE STRENGTH OF A SUPERWOMAN . I HOPE GOD GIVES YOU ALL THAT YOU DESIRE AND MORE. I HOPE , ABOVE ALL HE GIVES YOU HAPPINESS - SO MUCH SO THAT YOU MAKE ANYONE YOU MEET HAPPY - THERE IS ONE THING I WANT FROM YOU - TO TAKE VERY VERY GOOD CARE OF MUMMY AND PAPA - ALWAYS. SPECIALLY PAPA , BECAUSE HE WILL NEVER ACCEPT IT , BUT HE LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY - HE LOVESYOU MORE THAN TWO OF ME PUT TOGETHER.



4.) ARUSHI , ISHA , GARIMA , MARIYAM AND UDITA : I LOVE YOU GIRLS !!! AND IF I WAS TO DIE , IM SURE ID GET A GOOD DOSE OF GRIEF FROM YOU GUYS - ARUSHI , YOU HAVE TO START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF MORE , AND NOT LET OTHERS SHIT GET YOU DOWN , YOU'RE AWESOME , EVEN THOUGH U HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF A 2 YEAR OLD , STILL , IM GLAD THAT U DECIDED TO LEAVE GAUTI ST MARY' AND LORETO WAS KIND ENOUGH TO TAKE YOU ON AS A CHARITY CASE :p - MAY GOD , GIVE YOU GOOD SENSE AND MAY YOU ACTUALLY FIND A GUY WHO CAN LIVE WITH YOU , JUST THE WAY YOU ARE .

ISHA - IM SO WORRIED BOUT YOU !!! YOU MUST NEVER EVER LET YOUR OWN INSECURITIES AFFECT YOUR DREAMS ISHA - I AM SURE , ONE DAY YOU WILL BE DIGGING UP PHAROAHS , SOMEHOW. YOU ARE THE MOST TALENTED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET - AND ILL BE DAMNED IF I LET YOUR INSECURITIES GET IN THE WAY OF YOU ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL .YOURE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON ISHA , BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU . :))

GARIMA :ONCE IM THERE ,ILL PRAY TO GOD THAT HE TURNS HIS EYE TOWARDS YOU - EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT BELIEVE IN GOD NYMORE ,I BELIVE IN MIRACLES , AND I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES - AND I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IN THEM TOO , FOR MY SAKE !

MARIYAM : DONT HAVE SEX IN PLACES WHERE IT IS CONSIDERED SACRILIGEOUS !!! AND EVEN WHEN IM DEAD , FEED SOME NICE FAT BRAHMIN GIRL SEWAIYAN THINKING OF ME.

UDITA : FIRST - TAKE VERY VERY GOOD CARE OF AUNTY !!! AND THEN , ALWAYS ENCOURAGE ANANT TO BE THE ULTIMATE DUDE !! ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE SOME NICE MEN VERY HAPPY. AND MORE OVER , PLEASE CHOOSE UR JOURNALISM LINE VERY CAREFULLY , TAKE CARE THAT YOU ARE NOT ABUSED OR NYTHING. INFACT , YOU CAN TEACH JOURNALISM TOO , YOU KNOW , ITS JUST AS GOOD. MAKE SURE THAT RITU MARRIES A NICE RICH GUY WHO CAN ENABLE HER TO BUY M BLOCK !! AND OFCOURSE WITH HER STUPENDOUS SALARY SHED BUY LOS ANGELES :))

TELL FURRU , TO STOP CALLING ME FAT ONCE IM DEAD ~~~ AND OFCOURSE , TO COME AND WHISPER ALL HER SECRETS TO ME , FOR NEVER TELLING ME ONE IMPORTANT ONE!!



5.) SIDDHANT : DO NOT DATE POULOMI !!! ID HAUNT YOUR PENIS , IF YOU DO THAT !!

MAKE YOUR MOTHER VERY HAPPY , AND TELL HER ABOUT ME (FINALLY !!) - AND FIND SOMEONE AS AMAZING AS ME TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ALWAYS - FOR THAT WILL BE VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME , TO KNOW THAT YOUR HAPPY. AND NEVER EVER DOUBT THAT I LOVED YOU !!



6.) SAUMYA AND KSHITIJ : DO NOT CRIB ABOUT THE ORDER OK ?? ITS JUST HOW THE STAGES WHEN I BECAME FRIENDS PEOPLE !! SAUMYA , DONT CRY TOO MUCH , AND DONT USE MY DEATH AS A SORROWFUL EXCUSE , TO NEVER TALK PROPERLY TO ANYONE ELSE OK ?? AND , ON MY BIRTHDAY - AS A HABIT , BE GOOD TO PEOPLE , NO MEAN NESS.

BECOME A DANCER AND DANCE AROUND THE WORLD , AND SPREAD THAT INFECTIOUS JOY YOU PERSONIFY WHEN YOU DANCE !!

CHINU : ACCEPT IT THAT I WAS LIKE A SISTER TO YOU . ONE DAY EVERY MONTH , JUST AS A HABIT , TRY SPENDING LESS TIME WITH YT OK ?? AND UR MY BEST GUY FREND !! - FOR YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS ME !! BUT THEN , SAUMYA , ISNT YOUR MANHOOD CONTESTED ??



7.) ROHIT , PRANJAL : DEAR ROHIT - PLEASE CRY , PROPERLY WHEN I DIE - I WOULD WANT THAT . YOU WERE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS , AND SOMEHOW TIME HAS REALLY MADE US STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER -- AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BITCH ABOUT YOU , AND NO MATTER THE NUMBER OF TIMES I BITCH ABOUT YOU , I WILL ALWAYS CARE AND I ALWAYS WANT YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY - VERY VERY HAPPY . AND IM SORRY, IF IV EVER HURT YOU - AND IM SURE , AFTER IM DEAD , I WONT MIND THE THINGS THAT WERENT RIGHT AND WILL ONLY NEED YOU TO KNOW THE AMOUNT I THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT WERE RIGHT.

PRANJAL : MAKE A TOAST TO ME , IF YOU MARRY DIVYAA - AND NAME ONE OF YOUR AMAZING BUSINESS VENTURES UNDER MY NAME . AND NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR FRIENDS OKAY - NEVER EVER CHANGE !! YOURE AN AMAZING PERSON , THOUGH YOURE VERY JUDGEMENTAL - BUT STILL , WHEN ONE CARES AS MUCH AS YOU DO , I GUESS THAT PERSON IS ENTITLED TO BE A LITTLE JUDGEMENTAL





THERE ARE SOME VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE WHO ALSO MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I CARED FOR THEM - MADDY : DUDE , YOURE THE MOST AWESOME BROTHER NYONE CAN EVER HAVE , AND UR MY FAVOURITE SIBLING !! I HOPE YOU CHANGE THE WORLD , AND STILL BE ABLE TO DISMISS IT AS A WASTE OF TIME !

MAAM SETH : YOURE THE MOST AMAZING TEACHER THERE EVER WAS - INFACT YOURE MORE THAN A TEACHER !! PROMISE ME , YOU'D START A TEACHER'S TRAINING PROGRAM !!! AND PROMISE ME , YOULL TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR HEALTH . I LOVE YOU A LOT MAAM - YOU'RE THE SECOND MOST AMAZING WOMAN IV EVER MET !

DAVID SIR : PLEASE , PROMISE ME , ULL START ACTING UR AGE , AND GET MARRIED !! MOREOVER , NEVER GIVE UP TEACHING ! UR REQUIRED IN THAT VOCATION . THANK YOU SIR , FOR ALL THAT UV DONE FOR ME !

POONAM MAAM : I LOVE YOU MAAM . SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH



ASNAH - I WANT YOU TO BECOME A LITTLE MORE RESPONSIBLE , CMON , YOU CAN DO THAT MUCH FOR ME !

NAAZU : I LOVE YOU GIRL !! GIVE ROCK MUSIC A TRY FOR ME

RAKSHA : MARRY FOR LOVE , AND GIVE UP SMOKING DARLING

TEJASWANI : I LOVE YOU. AND PLEASE GET MARRIED AND HAVE SOME AWESOME CHILDREN WHO WILL HAVE AMAZING STREET THEATRE POTENTIAL.

RAMLA : I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY , JUST THAT , I LOVED YOU A LOT WHILE I LIVED , AND EVEN THOUGH SOMEWHERE THINGS ARE NOT RIGHT , AND MAY NEVER BE QUITE RIGHT AGAIN , WHILE WE WORKED , THOSE WERE AMAZING TIMES!!

SHAIFA : DONT LET YOUR FEAR FOR EXAMS EVER STOP YOU FROM ACHIEVING ALL THE ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE YOU DERSERVE. LOVE YOU SHAAAFAAAAA

DALAI : BE LESS BORING - IM DEAD , YOU CAN KILL BY BOREDOM , UV PROVED A POINT !!



AND THE THOUSAND OTHER PEOPLE WHO MEAN A HELL LOT TO ME , BUT IM NOT SURE, I MEAN SO MUCH TO THEM - THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE.



I LOVE THIS WORLD SO MUCH !! GOD BLESS ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE WITH LONG BLESSED LIVES , AND BLESS ME WITH A LONG LIFE TOO .



I THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME SO MANY PEOPLE WHO I LOVE AND IM SURE , WHO LOVE ME BACK !



"TO LIVE, WOULD BE A GREAT ADVENTURE !"

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES !!

LIFE IS SHORT AND THERE IS A LOT WORTH LIVING FOR - BUT TO REALLY LIVE THE WAY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNHAPPY ,  PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY DISAPPOINT YOU , PEOPLE WHO JUST DONT TURN OUT RIGHT , THINGS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL , THINGS BURIED DEEP IN THE PAST - SO HERE IT GOES  TO A NEW HAPPIER BEGINNING , I BURN DOWN THIS FOREST, YET AGAIN .....

1.) I AM GIVING YOU UP . I THINK IV GOTTEN MORE INVOLVED THAN I EVEN THOUGHT I WILL - AND LETS FACE IT  IM NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONES EMOTIONAL STABILITY ANYMORE THAN YOU ARE.  I COULD DEAL WITH LIFE WHEN I KNEW  JUST WHAT TO EXPECT AND TRUST ME ALL THIS SIGHING ON THE BALCONY , WAITING FOR U TO SHOW UP , OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP IS NOT ME - AND I WOULDNT WANT TO MORPH INTO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT ME . DONT TELL ME ITS SELFISH -  BECAUSE ITS NOT . SO YES , YOU HAVE EXISTED TILL NOW AS  A FOLDED PAGE IN MY LIFE -  SOMETHING I COULD ALWAYS TURN BACK TO , I UNFURL YOU NOW. MENTALLY  AND EMOTIONALLY.

2.) YOU ARE BARRED FROM MY PSEUDO REALMS OF FRIENDSHIP TOO NOW - YES , YOU DONT LIKE ME AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I DONT LIKE YOU ANYMORE. SO IM GOING TO SAVE MYSELF THE PAIN OF UNNECESARY ANGER AND RESENTMENT WHEN I THINK OF YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CRONIES.  YOU ARE THEREBY BANNED FROM MY LIFE. I WOULD LIKE TO STILL GET BIRTHDAY WISHES FROM YOU , AND ID DO THE SAME TO YOU , BUT THATS THE OUTER LIMIT OF POSSIBILITY WHERE YOU AND I ARE CONCERNED.

3.) I DONT LIKE THIS , AND I DONT LIKE THAT - SO THIS AND THAT , I WILL NOT BEAR WITH. STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT I DO AND WHAT I DONT DO RIGHT . I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT - STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO ME THINGS THAT JUST DONT GO DOWN WELL WITH YOU , IF YOU FEEL IM CRAMPING YOUR STYLE - KINDLY EXTRICATE ME FROM YOUR LIFE , ITS PAINLESS AND ITS SIMPLE AND ID APPRECIATE IT. ALSO YOU CAN SAVE FACE OF NOT BEING DUMPED MERCILESSLY BY ME , BUT DO THE NEEDFUL YOURSELF.

4.) I AM GOING TO TAKE DECISIONS ABOUT MYSELF NOW - AND I REFUSE TO ACCEPT CRUTCHES OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE SOCIAL SPHERE YOU SO WILLINGLY OFFER ME . I AM DONE WITH TRYING TO FIND HAPPINESS  OR BE HAPPY -  I THINK , I NOW UNDERSTAND WHAT RICHARD TAYLOR MEANT WHEN HE SAID THAT HAPPINESS DOES NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL - AND MEANING I SEARCH , TILL I CAN GET OUT OF THINGS THAT JUST DONT MAKE SENSE .

5.) I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE , NOT EVEN MYSELF TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF - I JUST WONT. ALL THAT KEEPS ME SAFE , IS WHATEVER I THINK I AM , AND CAN BE - AND I WILL NOT BE DRIVEN TO INSANITY .