Monday, August 10, 2015

Code of Conduct

I recently got into a small fight with one of my really good friends because he was 4 hours late for a scheduled meeting. A bunch of us had been waiting for him for a while and we were all having a good time and his lateness had only caused a mild irritation.

When he did show up though he showed up with this other friend who we all aren't particularly too fond of because of her habit of bitching about all of us to all of us. I was so angry at the boy - not just because he was late but he was late because of her who had stood him up so many times. I didn't feel any anger towards the girl because we all know she will be late and is a little flaky - her behavior was expected.

Suddenly from that moment on I somehow disassociated from that boy completely in my head. I have loved him so much and he is almost like a little brother. He tried several times to talk it over with me but without trying to address the reason for my anger. So we have shifted for the time being , to that realm of polite nonchalance where people who don't necessarily hate each other but used to love each other a lot in the past exist.

Anyway the point of writing this whole story is to give a background to what I ultimately want to address. I have a different code for what's acceptable for men and women. The slightest misdemeanor from a man can have him drop in an instant in the crazy ranking system of friends I have in my head. I cannot understand why I can forgive my girl-friends things which if a guy even talked about doing to me I would never see again. This hypocrisy has to end. While I try to explain that I am not a man-hater, I think I do treat them as second rate citizens in my head. There has to be some parity if not in how you feel and behave towards people then at least in your responses to their behavior.

Accepting is I guess the first step.

My name is Devika and I am a hypocrite. 


sidspacewalker said...

I know that realm of polite nonchalance well. But by experience it seems like it is possible to crawl out of it.


Haha. I sorted it out with this particular person though. I had a really long fight for a couple of hours and he talked to me in soothing tones that one uses for a cranky and sick child.

I keep writing about this polite nonchalance but I really don't think it exists in my psyche in any form. What I mostly mean is that I can live my life but I am like a Bangladesh immigrant clutching to that border between patience and passion.

We are okay now after so long it seems (I have assumed that you are talking about you and me in your comment because my narcissism does not permit another possibility)- or wait, are you still crawling and using small movements so as not to scare me ?

You are spoiling me and leading me to form expectations of you being a regular reader. I am not opposed to it, just letting you know that this is what you are doing :p

Thanks again :)

sidspacewalker said...

I have actually always read what you wrote on your blogs. I just don't comment on it when we are not talking.

But yeah, you're a good writer. Now even more so in fact. I enjoy reading the 'no caps' Devika. Also you're one of the most learned people I know, with all the academic stuff, so I feel like I can read what you have to write and not waste my time. :p


Yes I do the same thing with your blogs. But mostly I used to drop a comment even if I was mad :P

I appreciate your vote of confidence. It makes me feel much better about myself especially right now when this other friend of mine with whom I just thought I had sorted everything (a girl this time for change) out unloaded a lot of not nice things on me. Oh well ! You sort some out and others will just be what they are.