I recently got into a small fight with one of my really good friends because he was 4 hours late for a scheduled meeting. A bunch of us had been waiting for him for a while and we were all having a good time and his lateness had only caused a mild irritation.
When he did show up though he showed up with this other friend who we all aren't particularly too fond of because of her habit of bitching about all of us to all of us. I was so angry at the boy - not just because he was late but he was late because of her who had stood him up so many times. I didn't feel any anger towards the girl because we all know she will be late and is a little flaky - her behavior was expected.
Suddenly from that moment on I somehow disassociated from that boy completely in my head. I have loved him so much and he is almost like a little brother. He tried several times to talk it over with me but without trying to address the reason for my anger. So we have shifted for the time being , to that realm of polite nonchalance where people who don't necessarily hate each other but used to love each other a lot in the past exist.
Anyway the point of writing this whole story is to give a background to what I ultimately want to address. I have a different code for what's acceptable for men and women. The slightest misdemeanor from a man can have him drop in an instant in the crazy ranking system of friends I have in my head. I cannot understand why I can forgive my girl-friends things which if a guy even talked about doing to me I would never see again. This hypocrisy has to end. While I try to explain that I am not a man-hater, I think I do treat them as second rate citizens in my head. There has to be some parity if not in how you feel and behave towards people then at least in your responses to their behavior.
Accepting is I guess the first step.
My name is Devika and I am a hypocrite.